I remember vividly the day my husband was diagnosed with cancer. We sat in the doctor's office, not saying anything after the doctor confirmed the lesions on Joseph's esophagus were malignant. Even though we had asked for the truth, it was still an incredible shock. I had never actually thought to hear the word “cancer.” Perhaps we really thought he was going to say it was something that a pill could easily treat and make go away.
The entire office scenario felt incredibly unreal and out of sync, as if it was someone else getting this terrible news, or it was a television show we were watching. I had this incredible denial in my head my husband did not have end stage esophagus cancer.
Emotion took me on a great, overwhelming ride. I started crying, noisily and I had no control to stop it. The nurse who was also in the room put an arm around me. I had wondered why she was there; now I knew why. I was so overtaken by emotion that my body shook. The doctor put an arm around me next, saying it would be all right. Joseph just said to me, "It’ll be okay. It’ll be okay, Hon."
Vividly, I can still see that moment. Totally engulfed in grief , sadness and fear I cried so hard my entire face was wet and my body heaved with loud, wracking sobs. I stared at my husband who stood silently across from me, taking it all in. It took me a long time to calm myself, and at some point Joseph put an arm around me. That was the beginning of the never-ending numb confusion. The doctor tried to reassure us, murmuring that it would be all right. I almost felt bad for him, having to deliver the news.
Later, I recalled his words and the concern on his face. I wondered, what does it really mean when they say it will be all right? Was everyone's idea of "all right" different?
It took a long time to figure out what those words meant to me and my family
. “Everything will be all right.” To me, it came to mean a slow, methodical healing as we walked from beneath the shadow of loss.
http://www.ajourneywelltaken.com
Elaine Williams ©2008
Elaine Williams is a writer, mother of three and a widow of four years who lives in the scenic Catskill Mountains.
When life threw her some curves, she found herself a widow at forty-seven years of age. After some time and much contemplation, she knew that while her story was intensely personal, it needed to be shared with other women.
Elaine is a writer across various genres. She has been published in women’s fiction, but also enjoys writing children’s books, self-help, non-fiction and screenplays. Elaine is a business owner, actively volunteers in her community and also serves on local committees.