Ten Steps to Managing Perfectionism

Perfectionism is characterized by compulsive striving to achieve unrealistic expectations. We typically think of perfectionists as striving for perfection in all or many things they do, but some people hold unrealistic standards for others as well. And still there are some who believe that others will judge them critically and work to meet these perceived expectations of others..

There is no positive benefit to striving for perfection regardless of the origin. Perfectionists are dissatisfied, depressed, irritable, stuck, and indecisive. They often feel like imposters. They burden their relationships with their rigid, exacting needs and poor self-care. Perfectionism is associated with depression and even suicide.

Striving to be perfect interferes with goal attainment. Perfectionism paralyzes sufferers with thoughts of future stress and failure. Perfectionists procrastinate and behave as if failure has already occurred. Or they may over-work one area repeatedly and not move on to the next. They rely on chastising themselves to motivate their efforts. This may create some movement, but self-denigration only serves to keep them stuck in the long run. At this point they are either whipping themselves into a whirlwind of inefficient action, or drowning in a mire of squelched efforts. Efforts to move forward are plagued by self-blame and seeing typical set-backs as failures. If and when they do achieve success, they are not happy about it because they minimize their achievements. If this sounds like you then follow these steps to manage your perfectionism and allow the true and excellent you to shine through. You have heard of some of these before. They are still good..

1. Set realistic goals. If you can’t do this alone then ask someone to help you.
Clue: realistic goals won’t interfere with self-care or relationships.
2. Break large projects down into small steps
3. Emphasize progress and process over product. Yes, you must produce something, but focus on what you are doing and what you know instead of constantly thinking about how others will view your work, or only about outcome.
4. Keep a credit report. List everything that you can take credit for every day. The act of giving yourself credit is the opposite of not accepting yourself and your efforts.
5. Learn from your mistakes. Mistakes are the path of learning and success regardless of what you think they mean about you.
6. Limit the time allowed to complete whole projects and steps in achieving them.
7. Be in the present. Anticipating future failure only brings you closer to it. Agonizing over past mistakes only leaves you in failure mode and squelches current efforts.
8. Develop a support system. No man is an island. Nurture relationships that can support your efforts or that can just nurture you.
9. Know when to ask for help. Don’t flounder in isolation when you need guidance or cheerleading. Strong people get help, weak people don’t. On the flipside, don’t burn through your support system with constant pleas for approval when you can give it to yourself.
10. Live according to your values. List the five most important things in your life. Which of these is served by compulsively seeking perfection?