I learned how to live by dying

Ours is a mixed up world based on materialist goals and ego-centered accomplishments. Subsequently, it is very easy to get pulled into the “vortex” created by the dramatic events in our lives. We begin to live the drama of our life. The worst part of it all is that you can go about living your life, without the slightest idea or notion of what is truly meaningful.

I thought I had it all. I was living the dream, talking the talk, and walking the walk as they say. But I was just another person caught up in the “worldly” possessions and living my own drama drew the six-figure income, I had the clothes, the title and was part of the “who’s who.” I poured my heart and soul into my job and I got the money, power and recognition I so craved in return. I had made it and now what else was there left for me to accomplish?

I never noticed the trail of envious, and ego-driven people I was accumulating along the way. These were negative people, driven by jealousy that would stop at nothing to destroy me professionally and personally. I continued down my “path” not realizing what was going on around me.

Then, one day it all came tumbling down, without any idea of what was about to occur, I was called away from my office down to a meeting, where I was subsequently accused of being dishonest and corrupt to put it mildly. I was so shocked that I couldn’t speak. Before I knew what was happening, I was removed from my post and warned not to speak, write or communicate with anyone. If I chose to ignore, the “commands” I would regret it, especially if I ever returned to my position.

My life as I new it, unraveled thread by thread right before my very eyes, and there was not one single solitary thing that I could do to sew it up. Both my family and I suffered and endured public humiliation via our local newspaper and TV stations.This cut like a knife with a jagged edge through my being. The fact that what was written was all lies and innuendos did no stop the barrage of dirty looks, foul words, and cruel and hurtful email sent to my family and me. This went on for an eternal hell of 2 years.

I realized that who I was or had been was dying day by day. I did everything possible to hold my life together, what little I had left. Daily, my struggle was to make it a good day, despite what people thought of me. I prayed, I meditated, I practiced yoga, I chanted, I wrote daily affirmations , I visualized, and I did every spiritual thing that could possibly be done. I literally walked around, remembering the verse in the bible that told me to turn the other cheek. I felt numb.

Then one day I realized that I was not the person that was in the media. I was not this ugly, monstrous, uncaring and devious person. I had to let go of this illusion. It was at that moment that I knew I had to die. I had to mourn the loss of the person who I once was. I surrendered and I released that person into the white light. I relinquished every bit of who I was to a higher source. I had to forgive myself and say good-bye. I had to let this person die and set her spirit free. Once I did that many good things began to happen. The end of this legendary female leader came silently and sadly.

It was at that very moment that I realized I had a second chance at life. I had escaped my ego. I began to see through new eyes. I began to have new life with new friends and newfound love within my family and marriage .
The journey that had brought us here had awakened a new love and respect for each other. Life was beautiful, love was more vivacious and I was becoming a new person, vibrant and healthy.
I began to emerge from my cocoon. I was learning how to live through the eyes of a new life here on earth. I learned to be present in all that I do, to feel with emotion and excitement every waking moment. To realize that I can do anything my heart desires and be in a place of enormous opportunity and great respect gave me a new understanding of what it means to be alive and to live fully.
Life is better now and so am I. Life is good, and I am happy to be part of this new life.