Abusive Relationships

Many people find themselves in abusive relationships and don’t understand how or why. An abusive relationship is about power and control over one’s partner. It is not always about anger, but batterers do tend to take their anger out on their partner or children. Power and control is about trying to instill fear in the other so that he or she will comply with what the other wants. Some of the tactics people use to gain power and control over their partner are the following:

§ Emotional abuse – reducing the other person’s self-esteem and confidence that what they think and do is important and/or rational.

§ Denial and blame - The abuser will deny that he or she abused you and will attempt to shift the blame unto their partner or children, creating a feeling of confusion and question of self in the other person.

§ Intimidation - A person who uses angry looks, violent actions, or intimidating gestures to instill fear in the other person. Breaking things, punching the wall, having weapons in the house, and yelling loudly are some ways of instilling fear in another person.

§ Threats - When a partner threatens to hurt you, other family members, pets , children or self.

§ Power - When the partner insists on making all major decisions, including relationship roles, activities, which comes to the house, and generally treats you like a possession.

§ Isolation - Tells you who you can and cannot talk to or hang out with, makes you tell him or her where you are going, how long you will be gone, what you are going to be doing, and tries to limit your contact with social supports like family and friends. Tells you when you can and cannot leave the house. Sometimes refuses to let you work or go to school ( continuing education ).

§ Children as pawns - Accuses you of bad parenting or making him or her out to be the bad guy. May threaten to take the children away or to report you to children's protective services. May be cruel to the children if you do not do as he or she says.

§ Economic Control - This includes demanding to control the finances, maybe having all bank accounts in his or her name, makes partner account for all money spent and sometimes not allowing the partner to work outside the home. If the partner works, money from that job may have to be turned immediately over to the controller. May insist that all money is his or hers and that they should be thankful for any they are allowed to have.

Do any of the above power and control tactics sound familiar in your relationship or in a past relationship? If so, Lotus Holistic Life professionals can help you. Please consider purchasing the Lotus Healthy Relationship workbook or try the experience of Life Coaching. It can change your life.