“My Drill Sergeant Wears Skate Shoes” Transition Tip for the Day – Listen To Your Kids; You Could Learn a Thing or Two

I have to admit, being a mom to a teenage son has its challenges. I cannot for the life of me figure out how he can function in his room that is filled with technology and dirty socks. With the buzzes of texts, the bam bam of the XBox games, and the other random noises I hear from time to time, it’s like an alien has landed here on 24 Maple.

Much of my time is spent, I have to admit, when I am home, is pondering how to bridge the gap between the foreign land of “teenagerdome” and the mind of a 41 year old (I would like to think but am reminded I am not) cool mom. And it was during this push and pull, (as Morrie Schwartz would say from the life lesson book, Tuesdays with Morrie, tension of opposites,) that I realized that Jake and I were not that much different after all. Actually, like Morrie, I could learn a thing or two from this blonde haired blue-eyed alien that really is wise beyond his years.

Life Lesson # 1 - Let it go. Sometimes it takes the blunt statement from a teenager to set you straight. Since much of my life is figuring out the best action plan to achieve a goal (I know, sounds very straight) I can get lost in how to make the plan the most efficient. But it is then, that I am a walking oxymoron (with an emphasis on the moron) when I am over-committed to my plot for organization and excellence. While pondering this strategy and that strategy, beating myself up over how non-efficient I am, my son looks me dead in the eye and says mom, “Why don’t you just let it go?”

I choke, “Let it go? How can I do that when I have this deadline and that deadline, articles to write, appointments to make, etc.?”

He looks at me very nonchalantly as if he is the wisest old man who is contemplating using the word duh, “Yeah, mom, lighten up.”

We have all heard the term, watch yourself, meaning, take a look at the life you are creating and look at it from the outside. One of my favorite clients has mastered this skill as she reminds me every week how important this is to do. Well, little did she know that she and Jake had much in common but used different phrases. Basically, Jake was reminding me to look at the big picture and sit back and chill awhile. And, he was right. A little stillness and reflection goes a long way.

Life lesson # 2 - Don’t assume the worst. Bingo! This is a biggie! In a world that is overconditioned to how potentially screwed up kids can be these days, especially teenagers, we have become a society of “over-focusers.” Each and every move our kids make can tend to get overanalyzed. For instance, when Jake calls to say he is going to be late when he is out on the weekend, how easy is it to assume the worst case scenario? “What? You are 15 minutes late? That must mean you are at some underage rave across town doing all sorts of nasty things.” Poor kid. I am like one of those jumpy crickets we find in our basements during the rainy season – jumping from assumption to assumption when all the poor kid wanted to do was grab a slice of pizza on the way home from a friend’s house.

During the course of the day, how often do we think the worst in things? For real, think about when the leak happens in the chimney how we automatically assume it is going to cost thousands of dollars to replace the entire structure rather than a few bucks to fill in a gap or two? Or, when we don’t make our quota for the month at work and we begin to catastrophize about how the entire year is going to down the tubes with the business? Keeping a positive mindset is so important in many ways, even to the life of a 15-year-old.

Life lesson # 3 - Notice what works. I notice the dirty clothes on the floor and the rolling of the eyes when I say a silly joke in the car in front of his friends, but I hadn’t realized I wasn’t noticing the good stuff as much as I should. It took my “wise beyond his years son” to say, “Look, Mom, I don’t do this and I don’t do that, but this is what I do DO!” He pointed out his grades, his athletic ability, the thank you he always says to me after dinner and how he consistently comes into my room before bedtime to say good night.

Yup, Jake got it right this time and I was grateful for him pointing these valuable life lessons to me.

In a world that tends to concentrate on what we are always doing wrong, we are not only fueling the inner critic to ourselves, but the outer critic to those around us. What a miserable existence that can be! Who wants to be around someone that is constantly trying to point out your wrong-doings in hopes of getting you to do something right? And, the scary part is, according to THEIR rules! That is not how I want to live, that’s for sure. It’s also not how I want the core of my family to exist, either, fueled by negative reinforcement.

It’s been quite a week, I have to say. Snowed in with two teenagers (yes, my daughter Maddie will be 13 soon!) and some would say they would rather get teeth extracted from the dentist then to face the wrath of snowbound adolescents. But, I see it as the opposite. I see it as my life lesson bootcamp. It wasn’t easy, it took some sweat and tears, but it was well worth the effort. Little did I know my drill sergeant would be a X-Box playing, sophomore in high school wearing skate shoes.