Mother Wounds: Can A Man Believe That He Is Worthless If He Had An Abusive Mother?

If someone were to reflect on how a man behaves, they could soon come to the conclusion that he doesn’t value himself. The reason for this is that he could have a job that he can’t stand and be in a relationship where he is walked over.

Then again, he could have a job that he enjoys but he could be with a woman who doesn’t treat him very well. But, regardless of what is going on for him, he could just tolerate it and not do anything about it.

External Feedback

Now, assuming that this person was a friend, they could share their thoughts with him and make it clear that he doesn’t deserve to experience life in this way. However, what they say might not have much of an impact.

For example, he could say that his life is ok and that his girlfriend does treat him well at times. From this, it will be as though he is not able to face up to what is going on and is in denial.

Stuck

His friend will then be saying things that are true and will be trying to help him, but he won’t be able to hear what is being said. He might even become defensive and accuse his friend of being ‘critical’.

What this is likely to show is that he is not ready to face up to what is going on and he could stay this way for the foreseeable future. His brain is likely to be stopping him from facing reality.

Another Experience

If, on the other hand, he was to face up to what is going on, he could end up feeling helpless and helpless. After this, he could feel deeply worthless and be in a very low place.

Thanks to the life that he lives, he is often going to feel bad and low but he would be even worse off if he faced reality. What can also play a part in allowing him to avoid reality and how he feels is that he could spend a lot of time doing what he can to try to be approved of at work and when he is with his girlfriend.

Rock Bottom

If he were to hit rock bottom and see that he doesn’t have a sense of his own value, it could be because his girlfriend leaves him. He could end up looking for answers and over time, come to see why this life is the way that it is.

At this point, he could wonder why he feels so worthless and doesn’t believe that he has any value. This will then be why he has put up with being treated badly for so long.

Stepping Back

If he were to look back on his life, he may find that he has put up with bad behaviour for as long as he can remember. He might also see that he is more likely to put up with bad behaviour from a woman than a man.

Now, if he were to think about what his relationship was like with his mother when he was growing up, what might enter his mind is that she did love him but didn’t always show it. He could also think about how she did the best that she could.

Going Deeper

She might have shown him a lot of love, but, then again, his view of her might not be overly accurate. This could be a view that he has developed to avoid coming into contact with certain memories and painful feelings.

In reality, this might have been a stage of his life when he was often terrorised by his mother and perhaps his father. She might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach and often physically harmed him and verbally put him down.

Almost Destroyed

At this stage of his life, then, when he needed to be loved, cared for and protected would have been a stage when he was undermined. He would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

And, as he was egocentric, he would have come to believe that he was worthless and unlovable. Another part of this is that believing that he was the problem would have given him the false hope that he would be loved if he struggled hard enough.

The Truth

Ultimately, his mother probably wasn’t able to love him because she hadn’t been loved during her formative years and hadn’t dealt with the damage that was done to her. As a result, she would have passed on what was done to her.

For him to put this stage of his life behind him and realise his own value and lovability, he is likely to have beliefs to question and pain to face and work through. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.