How to Help People Deal with Death.

You will find many strategies you can use in which families , friends and professionals within the area of bereavement counseling can be supportive to people who have been heart-broken over a loss. Several helpful hints are listed below.

When assessing the help needed of your mourning individual, it helps to understand the conditions around the death . Don’t child. You can find unbelievable discrepencies in the mourning manner that depend upon the age of theloved one who died, how the death happened (for example, was it a surprising death , or did it follow a prolonged illness?), along with the gender of the survivor makes a big difference. Within our society, it's usuallymuch more difficult for men to show their grief openly than for women to.

Please consider the following as guidelines and suggestions. Each situation will present itself with unique opportunities for you to grow and learn as a healer.

Avoid Clichés

“She is out of pain now,” “It was her time to go,” along with “All thingsalwayswork out for the as God intended,” are phrases that are aren’t at all helpful. It’s far more important those who are bereaved to have your emotional support than to hear anything you might say. Keep in mind, you will discover no prepared speeches which will take away the emotional discomfort of the loss.

Phrases That Don’t Help:

“This wasThe creator’s Will.” (First, out what the survivor’s religious belief was.)

“Time heals all wounds.” (Time by itself does not heal, though it will likely help. People do need time, but at the same time they need to work through the stages of grief .

“Be appreciativeyou've another child.” (This minimizes the value of the child who died.)

“I know just what you’re feeling.” (Nobody can know exactly how another person feels.)

“There must have been a reason.” (maybe not, or at least not a reason that will ever be known or be understood by the ones left behind.

Phrases That Do Help:

“This has to be undescribably sad for you.” (Then the griever is free to express the loneliness he or she is experiencing.)

“It has got to be hard to accept.” (Listen about the what’s making it difficult.)

“You must have been very close to him.” (The beareaved can then share about the relationship.)

“I have no clue what you are going through; I’ve never had a (spouse/child or parent) die. Can you share with me what it’s like?” (Then listen.)

“I really miss (name of deceased). He was a unique woman. But that can’t compare to how much you must miss him. Share with me what it’s like.” (Then listen.)

When You Are Helping Someone Deal With Their Grief , Don’t Think That You Are Expected To Have “Something to Say.”

Being there for them is enough. Especially with new grief , your embrace, your touch along with your sincere sorrow are all that the griever might need. Be sure to call or spend time with the bereaved, no matter how much time has passed since the death. The griever still appreciates knowing you care.

Take the First Step

Don’t merely say, “If there is anything you need, you can always ask.” Suggest general things as well as specific offers of help. For Instance, you might say, “I would like to tend to your yard on Sunday afternoon at (pick a time. Would that be okay with you?” or “Might I go grocery shopping together with you the first time out?” Every thoughtful gesture reminds the bereaved he or she is not alone and keeps him/her from having to continually reach out for help. It also lets your friend know you feel that he or she continues to be important. Our self-esteem can be often low during the early stages of the grieving process, along with knowing a friend is caring enough to help does wonders for the morale.

Help Out With Daily Tasks

You might run errands, answer the phone, make and freeze some dinners or take care of the laundry. These normally small tasks seem insurmountable towards the survivor, because grief noticeably depletes physical power. An offer to devote an evening just watching television together is often very comforting, especially to a person now residing alone.

Offer To Help Taking Care of The Children

If kids are in the picture, they would appreciate it if you would send them special notes now and again and invite them on trips with the family . Kids needs to also deal with their grief, but on occasion they need a break from the sadness at home, while their surviving parent may perhaps welcometime along for mourning alone. Show your love and support as well as invite them to discuss their thoughts along with what they are going through. They need good listeners, also. Don’t assume that a child who gives the appearance of calmness is without emotional discomfort and possibly desperation.

The Importance of Listening

A grieving individual desperately wants a listener, who's accepting, along with who will be supportive and willing to listen with patience to often repetitive stories. The need to “inform the story” decreases as the healing progresses. And each and every time the story is told, the finality of death becomes more real little more. When feelings of anger, frustration, disappointment, dread and sorrow are let out, accept those feelings. When the beareaved keeps those things bottled inside, they will bring to a screaming halt the healing process. Sharing thoughts and emotions diminishes the pain. The heightened stress levels experienced during the early stages of grief can create health difficulties for some individuals. Help your family member stay healthy by being a good listener.

Make it possible for the Expression of Guilt Feelings

A normal reaction to hearing someone express grief can be to reply by saying, “You mustn’t feel guilty. There was nothing you could’ve done.” Don’t try to savepeople from their guilt feelings, because are healthy along with not unusual during the grief process. (What most people feel is regret. Guilt implies they did something on purpose to cause injury; we feel regret if we wish we might somehow been in a position to alter things.)

Allow the Survivor to Grieve In His/Her Unique Way

Don’t push the mourner to “get over” the loss. If he needs to work out at the gym or lift weights to release energy along with stress, let him. If she needs to to look at old photos or go through every article on grief she can go to, allow him. We all grieve in our own personal way; steer clear of being judgmental.

Accept Mood Swings

Assume good days and bad days for some time. These highs as well as lows are a normal part of the process. These emotions have been compared to waves that sweep in uncontrollably. Step by step the very good days turn out to be far more often, but bad ones will occur even a year or more after the death of the loved one.

Know That Recovery Takes Time

Don’t expect the grieving person to have gotten “over it” within a handful of weeks. Huge amounts of emotion may well sweep in for numerous months along with then, slowly, steadily, the intensity subsides. It doesn’t happen a immediately after the memorial service or even 2 months after it, as many people imagine. Sometimes the genuine grieving is just starting by then. It might be much more than a year before you see the results of your caring and support – but when you see your friend smile again and feel less pain, the reward will be there.

If the mourner does not appear to be moving forward at all, despite your best efforts plus the passage of time, suggest professional guidance to help with developing new ways of dealing with the loss. (Learn which of the counselors within your region have experience with working together with the bereaved. Don’t assume that all counselors and ministers are knowledgable in this area.)

Share Your Memories

During the initial few months after a death, there’s a tendency to focus on the survivors, while the survivors themselves are focusing on the one who died. When you relate your stories about the deceased, you're giving a special gift to the grieving person. Your love as well as your concern are clear in not only in everything you share, but in the fact that you just took the time to do so.

Give The Mourner Time to Grieve

It’s important to consider that a grieving individual is under extreme stress; don’t push her to participate in external pursuits until eventually he’s ready.

Rely on her to know what is best.

Amy Long is the Author of the book, 'Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage', as well as its sequel, 'More Weddings, Funerals and Rites of Passage', among others. She has counseled many people through her work as the President of the

Universal Life Church and has an online seminary program .