Out of places to run? Exhausted from the fear of tomorrow? Unable to sleep to restore your well being? Not finding relief from the new prescription? Listening to the doctor's diagnosis, but knowing in your heart they don't hold the answer. Continuing to work in a mind and body that want to quit. Hoping and praying that this hell, will soon end. Wanting to live, not wanting to meet God today...not in this battered condition. Wondering how much a mind can worry, how much can a body suffer, in the end, what was this ordeal really about? Trying to coexist in a world where you're never comfortable, in among believers. Where's peace hidden? Where has childhood's innocence faint memory vanished to? God I know you see and hear me being tossed and beaten by the lies of Satan, but the lessons must not have been learned yet. The depths of my darkness must not have been reached. How long Father God can this broken and contrite spirit be buffeted?
Have my words to Jesus been just that and nothing more, than mere words? Has my heart not reached the point of repentance? Has my thought life so angered you that my deliverance is constantly being questioned daily? Chasten those that you love and there is no boundaries of length or depth of despair. God we are your Creation and all our murmuring and shallow prayers will never turn the tide of our situation.
I've believed all my life that prayer changes things. I've seen it, I've felt it happen in my body. God you are very mysterious and the way our lives unfold is very baffling.
When we have been pressed on by every fear, anxiety , depression , body pain, personal loss and everything the destroyer brings against us...then, very possibly then, our journey may be about to conclude. This place must be total surrender to Christ. God can use you then, when you finally realize that God's not playing games, he wants his possession he paid for on Calvary. He wants his sons and daughters to be purified through the fires of this life and he wants someone who's in it for the long haul.
If you've been Blessed with your prayers being answered, don't for one minute turn your back on God and think your life will remain untouched. You might make it months, a few years, but God will continue to call his chosen and the more you proceed in your own will, the more God will allow his 'process of perfecting' you, continue. It won't be fun, quite frankly it will probably be a very rough and hard battle.
Regardless of your time spent in trials and tribulations, remember that your Father and his Son have you marked for eternity and all your heartaches and suffering are working in you, God's finished work!
64 year old male married to wife Linda for 43 years, living in Virginia Beach, Va. Vietnam Vet of Naval Reserve, Import Manager, Route Salesman, Truck Driver and Target logistics team member. Author of two Christian books and owner of neuropathynick.com Neuropathy Answers.