***Dealing With Sexuality Issues In Autistic Children

Question:

The question that I am about to ask is one I feel a lot of parents and educators try to abdicate. My belief and curiosity comes from a desire to be a good parent myself and to be prepared for the situation(s) when and if they happen. I am also aware that others may have similar thoughts, but because this question will eventually be asked or wondered about by at least 1 out of every 150 children and their parents, I think getting it out there will save time, stress, and awkwardness for a lot of parents, educators, family members, and young adults. The inquiry that I need help in answering revolves around how to talk to or help an autistic adolescent who is struggling with puberty and sexuality .

My motivation for wanting to have some knowledge about the way to handle the issues and concerns of dealing with an autistic child arises from personal experience. My sister has a 13-year-old boy who, I think, is dealing with these issues, but because of religion the issue will not be discussed until the timing is age appropriate- meaning until he is mentally ready. Well, I want to help because my nephew is, in my opinion, developing physically but may not get what need because of his his mom's views.

I occasionally watch my nephew and enjoy seeing him be happy. Recently though, his playful and calm demeanor has been off. Physically, I think his body is there as he has hair in strange places and his voice is less high pitched, but mentally he seems the same. I first took note of this when he was sitting on floor and took out his penis after a lingerie advertisement was shown on the television. He was aroused and tried to play with it after seeing the commercial. My wife was a little upset about the awkward situation and I’m not sure how to talk with my sister without offending her religious sensibilities.

I would be very grateful for your thoughts and advice on the matter.

Answer:

From what I have gathered about your situation, it seems that your understanding of human sexuality is far more than that of your sister’s. What is going on in your nephew’s sexual evolution is normal for all young adults during puberty. The guidance you are seeking is appropriate for dealing with this issue and couldn’t be timed better. According to the Autism society of America, "All children go through puberty regardless of IQ or social skills. The brain does not tell the body to stop growing if the boy/girl’s developmental level is younger than their age. Puberty is a stage of development just like moving from being an infant to a toddler. Puberty is considered to begin around age 12 for girls and age 14 for boys. The physical changes of puberty are centered on the development of secondary characteristics and the onset of menstruation (in girls) and ejaculation (in boys)."You seem to have a desire to understand your nephew and the way his mind explores this thing we call life. He is dealing with something that most of us will never grasp and he is simply configuring his inner thoughts to the outside world. When this occurs, it sometimes takes some common sense and understanding by loving, caring family members like you to incorporate healthy sexual practices that can ease the awkwardness of transitioning into adulthood for autistic children. Considering that religion and autism play a role in your nephew’s development, I will give you as much help as I can.

You have found through recent events that your nephew is “changing” his behavior . According to autism author Janice Adams, all human beings- regardless of mental state- have a built-in clock that regulates growth and biological transitions. Your nephew is no different than a 13-year-old male who is processing the same powerful emotions, but because of his autism and age, the issue has yet to be addressed. Even though it is challenging and considered taboo by your sister, telling your sister about the incident you mentioned earlier is a step in the right direction. Your sister must understand that her son is in the middle, mentally, of shifting his thinking into a more adult and sexual nature. According to the Autism Research Institute, "your effectiveness as a teacher to your child will depend largely on your own comfort with discussing these matters." Change can be difficult and disorienting because the signs will be seen more often and in more public places until your nephew gets the sexual education he needs.

Based on research conducted at the Autism Research Institute you can follow theses helpful items to improve as teacher:

* Find your comfort level in discussing what sex is with your child. Become more knowledgeable on sexual terms, thoughts, practices and hygiene, then discuss the necessary steps with some other adult.
* Find the rate of development in your child. (See adjacent list)
* Based on the level of development, get books , videos, and guides that can help teach your child to understand as they know how.
* Use other adults in social situations to demonstrate proper behavior .
* Sometimes a child is more aware physically than mentally. If this is the case, talk with adults in your child's world about where he or she is mentally and physically and what techniques/steps are being taken to curb unruly sexual behavior .

Figuring out where your child's development is can be difficult. Ask yourself these questions to gauge how to be the most effective teacher possible:

* Do you know how well your child communicates? Is language an issue?
* Can your child construct abstract thoughts and reason what they are?
* Is there any level of sensitivity to outside stimuli that may disrupt the learning process?
* Physically is your child capable of learning ?
* Can you accurately gauge the age your child is socially and emotionally in comparison with their actual physical age?

While your sister is refusing to discuss sexuality , your proactive stance should be guided toward helping your nephew understand social rules of conduct that may cause his ‘arousal’ of senses. Physically, he may still act like a child, hugging and touching with innocence, but because of his sexual development it is causing and will continue to cause problems until new guides for social conduct are introduced into his life. You can do this without the help of your sister and still let her have the talk. Things you can do include limiting the stimulation that triggers the sexual response and showing, through your actions, proper social behavior. The triggers that cause abnormal sexual behavior and deviance can be as varied as other people and lingerie commercials to shiny objects and non-sexual body parts. Also, don’t be afraid to learn and observe where you can help the most. Autistic children have a great capacity for visual learning , meaning they understand behaviors by example. You can direct his actions to be socially and sexually appropriate for the time and place.

Finally, getting your sister to talk and teach good sexual practices and hygiene to her son will be vital to his development. The Autism society of America recommends that you be the main educator of sexuality for your child, so whether your sister is ready or not, she probably would rather you talk to her about sex as opposed to friends and classmates. You can explain to her that despite her religious beliefs, her autistic child needs to have the understanding of what sexuality is and what it means to be able to lead a more normal and fulfilling life. Early education is very important in autistic children and even more so when dealing with sexuality- which is embarrassing enough without autism. Teaching social codes of conduct, like appropriate touching and distance, will help make the transition easier for you and your sister.

Here are some sources to help get the conversation going:

* Visit the Autism Society of America's website at http://www.autism-society.org/
* Go get books from a library like "Personal hygiene?: What’s that got to do with me?" and "The what’s happening to my body? Books for boys: A growing-up guide for parents and sons."
* Visit http://www.plannedparenthood.org for " Sexuality & disability: A resource list for those who work with, live with, or care for people with disabilities.
* Visit http://www.threelac.com