“Can two walk together except they agree?” Amos 3:3
Openness abhors secrecy, unfaithfulness or infidelity. Effective communication makes openness possible. Two cannot agree except they communicate.You must be ready to speak to your partner without lies and deceit.
EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION
Effective communication involves the following:
1.Sender
2.Complete message
3.Code
4.Receiver
5.Decoding
6.Feed back
TYPES OF COMMUNICATION
1. Bad Communication. (Ephesians 4:29)
- Zero Communication. No communication at all or silent treatment.
-Game Playing. Deceitful speech, lying, half truth, exaggeration, etc.
- Ambiguous Communication. Careless communication, wrong presentation of receiver and sending of wrong feedback.
- Confrontational Communication. It involves speech specially made to provoke or annoy the other party. It may be jesting, lying, abusive words, curses etc. People normally use it when they are annoyed and intend to take their own pound of flesh. 1 Corinthians 15:33
All these are bad communication styles that prevent intimacy in marriage.
2. Good Communication. The following communication fosters love in homes. They are:
I.Constructive Communication. It involves speaking the truth in love, speaking about how we feel without hurting our partner. It is also called sandwich communication.
II.Open Communication. It involves speaking one's mind, feelings, thoughts, ideas, events, one's joy, fear, boldness, plan, hope, vision, ambition, aspiration, skeptism, faith, belief, etc. (Colossians 4:6)
III.Extra Mile Communication. This entails going beyond what your partner deserves just to make him or her feel good and happy. It involves praises, commendation, appreciation, apology, romantic words, adoration etc. A wife can tell her husband these: “I love you”, “You are a wise man”, “You are handsome”, “ Great job”, “Well done”, “I'm very proud of you”, “Good of you”, “Thank God I married you”, “I knew you could do it”, “I don't know how my life would have been if I did not marry you”, “You are precious to me”, “You are more than gold”, “Excellent”, “Wonderful”, “Beautiful work”, “That is why I love you”, “You are unique”, “You are strong”, “You are a hard working man”, “You will make it”, “It is well”, “You deserve it”, “Thank you for being there for me”, “Thank you for marrying me”, “ Nothing can stop you”, “You are a success, “I am sorry”, “I was wrong”, “Good effort”, “You mean so much to me”, “I will love you forever”, etc.
While the husband can say the following to his beautiful wife: “You are the most beautiful girl in the world to have married me”, “You are a wonderful cook”, “I am the most fortunate man in the world for marrying you”, “you are unique”, “You are spectacular”, “I love your breasts”, “Your hip is so beautiful, “You are more than gold, “ You are right”, “You are wise, “That is right”, “You are correct”, “ You are a success, “ ,“You make me laugh”, “You make me forget my mother, “You lighten my day”, “You deserve the best”, “You are a virtuous woman, “You are a wonderful mother”, “Thank you for being part of my life”, “You are a good friend”, “A compassionate companion, “You are mine”, “You have a good attitude, “You are rare”, “You are a biological miracle”, “You are growing younger”, “You are looking fresher”, “You are growing in wisdom by the day”, “ No woman is better than you”, etc. Words like these cannot but lighten your marriage. Do not fail to go the extra mile to brighten the day of your partner by saying something sweet. Proverbs 16:24
Stop speaking in anger, speak in love. Stop making your marriage a WAR, make it WORK.
ADVANTAGES OF OPENNESS IN MARRIAGE (Genesis 2:25)
•It shuts the mouth of gossips.
•It creates a good prayer life.
•It breaks barriers and destroys animosity.
•It removes misconceptions and misunderstandings.
•It makes you to know your partner better.
•It encourages godliness.
•It presents good example to the children.
•It encourages oneness in marriage.
•It enhances the presence of the spirit of the living God in the home.
•It removes assumptions.
•It debars third party from taking over the family.
• It brings joy to the home.
•It eliminates suspicions.
Bisi Adewale is an international conference speaker on marriage and family life, the author of these best selling books: Secrets of an Irresistible Wife , Hot and Sizzling Marriage, 20 Highways to a Successful Marriage , Before you say I Do, and more than 60 other best selling books on marriage, singleness, intimacy, sex, love, relationship, parenting and family life.
He is the president of Family Booster Ministry and College of Marital Success (CMS) (Africa’s Premier Marriage Institute), Host of Family Booster Moments on TV, watched in many countries across the globe.
Bisi Adewale also hosts the popular Lagos Couples’ Conference and breakthrough for singles summit, get a free book from him at www.totalfamilylife.com , you can buy his books on amazon.com or familybooster.com , join him on Facebook.com/totalfamilylife .