My Formula of Coping For Children, Teens and Parents

Young children and teenagers need tools; to cope with situations
that they find themselves in, with their emotions, to learn how to interact, and to grow spiritually and emotionally. Here
is my formula for coping skills for children and teens.

Honesty: As much as possible try to speak clearly and very
honestly with each of them. If you choose the right words
they will understand what is being said, and
they will be able to process it emotionally.
If you don't know something, don't lie.
Don't pretend to be perfect because none of us are.

Compassion : Be compassionate with them and the
people that you encounter and they and involve
them as often and as much as possible.

Affirmations : They are wonderful resources for changing thoughts, and behaviors and building coping skills. They are simple to create by adding a few words or phrases
related to you, the child, or the situation.
"I'm going to get through this."
"I can do this."

Self-discovery: You can talk to little children about something that is dangerous without frightening them with graphic descriptions or yanking them away without explanation. Even if you think that they may get hurt you need to allow them to explore on their own.

Managing thoughts: To cope, children also need to know how to
manage their thoughts. Let them know that by changing theirfocus, from something that is causing stress or discomfort to
something that is joyful, they will immediately feel better.

Open communication: Children should be able to ask questions,
get solid answers, and tell you anything
without punishment, and to let you know about something that is
happening to them without being afraid, or disturbed that
you will be upset with them or that you will not love them.

Sometimes the time and place for discussion is not appropriate,
but as soon as you are able, take them to a safe and quiet place
and let them talk.

Respect: You teach respect to children by example. If you don't
want to be laughed at for your thoughts or your actions, don't
laugh at them and don't mock them.

Be careful with your words:
Don't call them stupid, an idiot, or unintelligent. Remember
they are just a reflection of things they learned.

If you want a child to listen to you, you have to listen
to her ideas as well. Stand up for children when they arebeing mistreated or bullied. That action will really make an
impact in their psyche. It tells them that they are worthy.

Believe them when they tell you something.Don't dismiss a child that tells you something that an adult did or is doing to them. Don't call them liars. Don't believe the adult over your child without getting their side of the story.

Also in that situation, don't put the child on the spot
where they appear to challenge the adult. Take them to a
safe place or a little away from the confrontation
and ask them, without judgment, and so they will not have any
fear of retribution.

Access to wisdom : At an early age children can learn to trust
themselves if they are taught to trust themselves. If you speak
with children and reflect back to them what is going on, I know
that they can access their own feelings, and their own wisdom .
An easy question to reflect back to them might be “How do you
feel?" "Does it make you feel happy when you think about this?"
Help them to begin to trust their feelings and their instincts.
Children need time to process and understand what is going on around them.

They follow your behaviors of trusting yourself too.
They see your behavior of dealing with stress, and your
take on life. If you are bad mouthing every person and every
situation, children will pick up on this as well. If your
built in belief system tells you that everyone is out to get you
and people are predominately bad, children will get that with
every fiber of their being. So be careful of what it is that
you are transmitting to your children.

Balance: Show them how to balance priorities, and their playtime. Encourage them to rest and take needed breaks sometimes. You do the same. Balance your work time, and off time.

If you teach children with love they will respond with tremendous
love, affection, attention, and honor. Call them honorable too.
These little adults in the making will grow according to how
you nurture and care for them. So start having a relationship
now with them and watch them develop into loving beings.