Who Opened the Door and Let Autism In?

We often assume when our child is handed to us at birth with a full set of fingers and toes and no physical deformities, that they are “healthy.” Our worries from the last nine months are extinguished. We breathe a sigh of relief. We have no reason to believe otherwise. We put a lot of stock in physical appearances. But it’s really not that way at all. A beautiful, healthy-looking baby on the outside can start to have developmental problems on the inside. And more frightening, these problems can go unnoticed to the most attentive and doting mother. Even a trained pediatrician may shrug off a possible developmental disorder, suggesting it is just a natural variation in development from one child to another.

“He’s a boy! Boys develop slower than girls!”

We’ve all heard it. But what if it’s a girl! What if a girl is delayed in speech and language or in social skills, or in motor skills? What the excuse then? Ironically, there is none. But what that pediatrician may not know or what he may never test for at your baby’s or toddler’s well-visits is how to spot the signs of autism.

When your own pediatrician doesn’t inform you about what signs to look for as your baby develops along, your eyes may become blind to the crawling she should have done three months ago or to the pointing she should be doing to let you know she wants something. And your ears may become deaf to the fact that she isn’t starting to say those precious first words like “Mama” or “Dada” or “ball” yet that your older child had no problem saying. You give it more time ‒ she’s still little; she’ll grow out of it!

Instead your child “loves to spin”. And she never seems to get dizzy. You think it’s a game she’s designed. Or she watches the fan spin for whatever joy that seems to give her. Or maybe she covers her ears when a baby cries, or when you sing “Happy Birthday” to her or when the vacuum runs and you just think she’s scared of it ‒ not that it’s painful to her stabbing her like a knife.

Then when you go to hug her, she slithers out of your grasp and runs away crying. Maybe she sits in the corner playing by herself without a clue as to how to really play by herself. But she can spin the wheels of a race cars fast and forever. She seems mesmerized by doing so. But the cars never go anywhere! She can’t pretend play or push the cars along as if to be going to the store or around the racetrack. But she likes to line them up by size and color. You think she’s showing signs of organization. She does it with her crayons and markers too.

You try to call her name, but she doesn’t turn around and acknowledge you. You think she’s ignoring you ‒ on purpose –that she’s got more important todder issues on her mind than responding to you! But you find you have to yell louder and louder to really get her attention ‒ if she gives it to you at all. She rarely gives you eye contact. She remains focused on doing her own thing ‒ what that is, you just can’t figure out. But you know she seems to be “in her own world” not really a part of yours. Now she’s banging her head on the floor…

And then there are the meals you fix her that she now refuses to eat. She liked it just fine the other day. But now she can’t stand sloppy, runny, mushy foods either on her hands or in her mouth. But she’ll eat those chicken nuggets for every meal if you let her.

And you do. Because that’s all she’ll eat. You find it becoming increasingly difficult to feed her. She’s now a “picky” eater! And her behavior swings in both directions. At times she’s lethargic and lackadaisacle. She seems to have no energy at all. At other times she’s hyperactive, overflowing with energy crawling over your couch to swing on your drapes. If only you could channel that energy for yourself!

You think it’s the terrible twos. They’ve come a bit early. Or maybe your child is three or four or seven. The terrible twos don’t seem to want to leave. You never know what your child will be like at any given moment…during any part of the day.

But what you do know is…it exhausts you! And you can’t get a thing done. And you’re becoming resentful and angry, never thinking you would yell at your child like this…Ever!

She’s just not like her older sibling, and she’s not like the other kids in her daycare, or the ones playing tag down the street! She seems distant, disinterested, defiant, and sometimes deaf.

“But let’s not judge her” you say ‒ it’s not fair to the child! She’ll walk and talk and hug us and look at us and eat and play with her sister and stop flapping her hands and come up for air from that video…when she’s ready. And so it goes.

Another day.
Another month.Another year goes by!
Nothing much has changed ‒ She’s a little taller.

You’ve entered the world of autism…And you probably didn’t even know it!