When To Give Up On Your Marriage : I Want To Give Up On My Marriage

If you are on the verge of losing your sanity due to marriage troubles, seek help from your family and friends and they might just be able to shed some light and truth to your current dilemma. Do it right away before you get caught in possibly breaking up with your spouse due to these crises that may eventually lead to a divorce . The following are just a few of the things you need to know regarding better ways to stop divorce :

1. Do Not Make Divorce Your Ultimate Option
First and foremost, understand that divorce should be your very last option. It should never be in any way, serve as your scapegoat to your marriage problems. Other spouses actually use divorce as their ticket to liberating themselves from their miseries and woes caused by the spouse. No, that should not be the case. Instead, opt for an open communication to start everything right. Talking it out with your partner is the best thing you can do. Seek marriage counseling if you cannot convince your spouse that there is indeed the need to talk.

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2. Consider The Financial Burdens It Will Give
Before plunging into any decision to get into a divorce with your spouse, take into account first the financial impact this will have in your monthly household cash flow. Divorce can be very expensive and what is more, emotionally, physically and mentally draining as well. Stop divorce thoughts and instead, focus on how you can save and further improve your marriage . Reallocate the money you will spend on the divorce settlements to your children's educational funds. You will see later on that you have actually made the right decision to not divorce your husband.

3. Do Not Get Too EmotionalWhen the idea of divorce pops between two people in marriage, you will right away sense that the marriage is indeed going down the tubes. But then again, it is never too late to salvage a marriage from such splitting-ups. Both spouses should know how to control themselves so as to save their marriage from its final end. Because if one of you would get so emotional and become highly strung, chances are you will not be focused in bringing about changes in your marriage. Naturally, all efforts to save your marriage will be futile and meaningless.

4. Pick Up Your Pieces And Get Into A Marriage Counseling

Yes, the wisest thing to do to stop divorce is to pick up where you have left off, make the puzzle pieces fit by compromising, loving and forgiving and forgetting. Only with these ingredients of a good marriage can you save yours. Instead of focusing your attention on cradling your pains and negative feelings towards your spouse, create more positive ones. You will be surprised how great wonders these things will do not only to your marriage, but to you and your spouse as individual persons as well. Fix everything and do not ever give up on your marriage. Divorce should always be your last option; after all, no one forced you to marry your spouse anyway. So, that means you must have been so much in love before. Why not now?

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If you study the statistic, you will notice that the divorce rate has increased over the years. Couples have cited a variety of reasons for the cause of divorce and one of the most common one is none other than cheating. If you are a cheating spouse but you still want to save your marriage, it that possible?

If you have cheated on your spouse, the most important thing that you need to realize is that you have hurt your partner badly and whether your spouse is willing to forgive you or otherwise depends on how sincere you are. You need to ask yourself if you really want to save your marriage and whether you are willing to change. However, it is useless to simply beg your spouse for forgiveness and promise to change as your spouse will most probably not believe you as you have betrayed that trust in the first place. That said, it does not mean that you simply give up. No, you can accept the responsibility by admitting your mistake and make the change instead of just simply saying it.

You must be well aware that "actions speak louder than words" so show your spouse your sincerity. Nobody wants a cheating spouse so do not give your partner any chance of doubting your faithfulness again. It is not going to be easy to win back that trust again but over time and if you been sincere enough, your spouse will forgive you. Hopefully you have not hurt your spouse so much that he or she had given up all hopes on you, although the truth is that you do not deserve to be trusted again!

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Remember that the process of gaining trust again is not going to be easy but if you remain faithful, it will assure your spouse that you are really changing. Take precaution not to get mad and try to justify your mistake. A broken trust is a broken trust, not matter how you try to justify yourself. If you try to argue or force your spouse to accept you, you are just asking for a divorce! You will not be able to save your marriage by getting angry and refusing to accept responsibility for your mistake.

It might help if you put yourself in the shoes of your partner and ask yourself if you would give your spouse a chance if you were the one being betrayed? It might help you to understand why your problem cannot be resolved right away. Be prepared for some forms of depression to set in for either you or your spouse. If you feel that you are unable to handle the stress, seek professional help such as getting the help of a psychologist.

At this point you will need to look for various sources as to how you can improve your marriage. One suggestion is to ask friends or relatives who had been in your shoes. Alternatively, you can also seek help from marriage counselors but both ways mean you will have to let a third party know of the problems which you are facing.

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If you are facing problems with your spouse and you really want to save your marriage, just remember that it is never too late to start. Divorce is getting very common nowadays but you do not want to be part of the statistic! There are enough heart-aches happening to any individual, such as the death of a loved one, you do not need the additional and unnecessary stress of going through a divorce.

I strongly believe that a divorce is a tragedy and unnecessary because it can be prevented. No doubt it will not be an easy step in trying to stop your divorce but it can be done; nothing is impossible. You do not have to go through a failed marriage and suffer the unnecessary agony; you can do something to save your marriage. Here are 4 simple steps which you can apply to stop your divorce.

1. Getting to the root of the problemIf you feel that your marriage is beyond any hope of salvaging, that is probably because you have not discovered the root of the problem. Thus you should start by finding out what had gone wrong with your relationship? You might feel that the reasons are obvious but you are wrong. The trigger point causing the divorce is only the symptom.

For example, if you are getting a divorce because you have discovered your spouse cheating behind your back. That is definitely just simply a symptom because what had caused him or her to stray in the first place? Is there a communication problem between the two of you or is your spouse deprived of sex at and so he/she had to fulfill that desire outside of the marriage? Only when you have discovered the root of the problem can you get to the next step in trying to save your marriage.

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2. Fixing the problemThis might seem to be obvious as once you have found the problem, you must definitely find a way to fix it! However, this is the most crucial step in stopping your divorce as both you and your spouse must be willing to fix the problem in the first place. Both of you will have to come to a compromise in order to save your marriage as you can't get one hand to clap!

3. Keep in mind the good old daysDo you still remember your courtship days or when you first got married? Those were definitely the most unforgettable and sweetest days of your life together so make the effort to remind each other of those happy moments together. Your relationship might have turned sour now but tune back to the days when you were so happy spending time together. It will be helpful to remember why you were together in the first place.

4. Let bygones be bygones"Bury the hatchet" and "let bygones be bygones" might sound very cliché but they are true nevertheless. The final step in saving your marriage is to start life afresh with each other. Learn to understand each other and love each other all over again. Dwelling on the past mistakes will not help you to save your marriage so you have to focus on the good times instead. Accept the mistakes and the bad points of your spouse if you still want to get back together. This will help you to build a brand new marriage which has a strong foundation.

If you have decided that your marriage is worth salvaging, that is you are not in an abusive relationship, then apply the above 4 simple steps and you will be able to save your marriage. Do not wait till it is too late to stop your divorce. If both of you work together, you will definitely succeed. Should you feel that you require further help, don't be shy to seek outside help such as marriage counseling.

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Marriage is not always a bed of roses. A perfect marriage doesn't exist and it is normal to have those not so happy moments but what if there are more unhappy moments in your marriage than happy times? Is your marriage getting difficult and unhappy? All options and solutions must be exhausted before considering leaving an unhappy marriage. As long as there is love and respect in a marriage, it is best to do something and fix an unhappy marriage to avoid the pain of divorce.

Here are some helpful ways to fix an unhappy marriage.

Figure out the cause of unhappiness in your marriage. The best way to fix an unhappy marriage is to think back and pinpoint the time when your marriage started to become unhappy. What marriage issues causing the unhappiness? Do you and your spouse became too focused on your careers or other responsibilities that you eventually drifted apart? Is cheating or infidelity involved? Is financial or money problems causing the trouble in your relationship? Do you have a support network? Do you live away from your families and friends? Do you have children? If you don't, are there issues preventing you from having children? It will be less challenging to fix an unhappy marriage when you know what you are dealing with. What were the big changes or the turning point that made a happy marriage unhappy? You and your spouse can work with the right solutions if you both know what's causing the unhappiness in your relationship.

Talk to your spouse about the unhappiness in your marriage. Sometimes problems in the marriage became too big and unmanageable because couples refuse to face and talk about them. Talking with your spouse about your unhappy marriage doesn't mean blaming your spouse for the absence of happiness in your relationship but it is the best way to bring out all the cards on the table and analyze what went wrong with your marriage. Express your needs clearly. If you need to spend more time with your spouse because you feel you are both drifting apart then say so. If you want to zest up the physical intimacy in your marriage then say so. It is also important to ask your partner's needs and feelings about your marriage. Sometimes all it takes to fix an unhappy marriage is a heart-to-heart talk to finally understand why the marriage became lifeless and unhappy.

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Consider couples therapy or counseling. Dealing with an unhappy marriage can be overwhelming and you may both find yourselves lost and confused. If you find it hard to resolve the unhappiness in your marriage on your own, seek professional help. It is best to consider couples therapy or counseling to address issues in your relationship and help you fix an unhappy marriage. Marriage is a complicated relationship and it best to exhaust all possible help and options before giving up on your marriage. There are many marriages who were able to survive with the help of couples therapy and counseling. Don't wait too long to get help, it is best to seek professional help as soon as possible. Do not wait until your marriage becomes unrepairable.

Seek help from your support network. You may need the help of your support network to fix an unhappy marriage. Your support network may include couples who are close to you and your spouse, your trusted friends, your families or religious leaders/elders. Call in the people you trusted most and confide about your marital unhappiness. They are the people who care about you, your spouse's and children's well-being and they can give you sound advice. They can also help you get through this difficult stage in your marriage. Talking and confiding to people closest to you can help you feel that you are not alone. Everyone at some point has experienced unhappiness in their relationships and many people have overcome those situations and you can too.

Put less stress and pressure on your marriage. Do you expect to find all the happiness in your life in your marriage or through your spouse? That's too much expectation and pressure to put on your spouse and your marriage. To fix an unhappy marriage, you may need to unburden or set your marriage free from too much expectations. Find happiness outside your marriage and bring those happiness inside your marriage. Do you have a hobby or sports you enjoy? Do you want to learn something new? Have separate hobbies or things that you want to do with your friends and different hobbies that you can do together with your spouse. Doing things separately sometimes, puts less pressure on the marriage and it gives you the opportunity to bring something new in your marriage that you can discuss or talk with your spouse. Doing things separately can help you both grow individually and doing things together brings your closer to each other.

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Break the routine in your marriage life. Is your marriage getting boring and unhappy because things becomes a routine? The responsibilities of married life could make couples cold and less romantic. To fix an unhappy marriage, you have to break the routine to bring new meaning, new experiences and excitement in your relationship. Go on a couples retreat, vacation or adventure and make new memories. Start dating again and zest up the romance and intimacy in your marriage.

Remove divorce from the menu. To fix an unhappy marriage, it is best to remove divorce from the list of solutions because it is not an easy way out. Without divorce from the list, couples tend to work harder to save their marriage. Although you and your spouse are struggling with the issues in your marriage now, there are studies that couples who were able to stick it out, work on their marriage and decided to stay together end up happier than those couples who decided to divorce.

Be committed. To fix an unhappy marriage, you have to be committed. It takes a high level of dedication to revive a dull unhappy marriage. It is not impossible to fix an unhappy marriage but you will need to work hard and stay committed to achieve your goals. An unhappy marriage cannot be fixed overnight and you have to stay on your goal of fixing your marriage despite the hardships and you can only do that if you are committed. You might encounter failures and sometimes feel that you are making one step forward and two steps backwards but if you have a strong commitment that you want to save your marriage, there is a better chance that your marriage can be fixed. Many unhappy marriage became happy again because they stayed on the course of fixing their marriage. They stick it out and over time their marriage improved. Couples who went through hard times and survived became stronger and closer.

Marriage is a life-long commitment and there is no perfect marriage. An unhappy marriage now doesn't mean that it will stay that way forever. The beautiful thing about marriage is that when couples fall out of love, things can get better again if they stick it out, work things together until they fall back in love again.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you , all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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