Trauma Parent sudden death strikes school

A school’s complete body of students will be impacted upon when the sudden death of a student’s parent becomes known.

Come morning, usually, the school’s administration has been notified allowing them to brief their staff before the school’s day starts. The school board’s psychologist will have been alerted as well. The escalation will take place from class period to class period as more students become aware of the situation. As they bond with those feeling the grief , more and more will huddle and cry. In solace, they will slip into the sadness, sympathizing with those closest to the loss.

When the students concerned have been kept home to assimilate the shock of the death announced, news will get out a touch later. In the event that the children have opted to go to school in order to have their friends’ support instantaneously, by the time the bell rings for the first class, you will already have groups of grieving individuals unable to cope.

At the young age of early elementary school, the immediate reaction may vary from withdrawn, shocked silence to hysterical, uncontrollable cries which are soon joined by many. Fortunately, many parents will have kept their children home. Then this occurrence may happen upon the return of the children concerned.

The adolescent student, being much more autonomous, will most likely arrive at school to have support from his friends who may outweigh the family per se. Within an hour the whole school will know as most will be informed through texting. Groups will huddle together and cry. Their sorrow will carry all the feelings they think their friend is experiencing, their fears and their questions concerning the immediate future. They will do an amazing job at consoling each other over time. The teenagers who have a supportive group of friends will fend better through this traumatic experience as the support will be long lasting.

On that day, these students may be relocated so that they may dialogue amongst each other, accompanied with a supportive adult actively listening to intervene when reassurance is necessary.

The concern should also be put on those who do not show concern and are not close friends to the student experiencing the loss. Even if it isn’t first hand, it does have an impact. Letting them linger amongst the cries may act as a distress trigger. You also have those who have lost a parent and who may be propelled into grieving again. They need to be watched closely to see if this new occurrence affects them now. Often, they will join in, crying their own loss all over again. This may bring on a new stream of distress that needs to be addressed.

One way or another, this is an opportunity for dialogue and active listening. Teachers will intervene globally. Once home, parents should take up the dialogue and discuss death and its impact with their youth. Children and adolescents need to be reassured, but they also need to be introduced to this eventuality so that they may cope and become aware of it. Their concerns need to be addressed. Tools, helping them through this, need to be given.

A highly emotional youth may cause a substantial group to escalate to despair. This is the reason why adults must be aware of the children’s state of mind and keep an open dialogue. Allowing a youth to process this will be useful now and through life. The psychologist will be ready to intervene with those showing a massive reaction and / or profound distress.

In Quebec, Canada, the CLSC provides assistance when families need additional support. Most communities have resources for those experiencing a sudden loss and needing support. Which ever way you go about it, it is imperative that the dialogue be opened rapidly. This will allow diffusing the situation, managing the grieving process and putting in place the most appropriate support to promote healing.

As mentioned, by the end of the first day, everyone will be aware of the loss. Ensuring that the youths have proper support is a priority. If it occurs before a weekend, most intense reactions will be diffused by the coming Monday. Yet, when the child or adolescent returns to school, the outbursts may be sporadic and rapid intervention necessary. A compassionate, calm adult with good active listening skills may do wonders to stabilize the situation.

Be ready. Act quietly and quickly. Refer if necessary. This will ensure the best results.

Have a nice week. Happy Trails,

Elizabeth McNally
Mentor & Licensed Certified EI Coach, Certified Traumatologist http://guidancequest.com
info@guidancequest.com

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