There Is No Blame

The one thing we seem so eager to give but don't enjoy receiving is blame. We are a culture rich in blame yet poor in accountability and responsibility. Blame puts us in the neighborhood of victimhood, a place of no choices. It becomes the justification for forceful action. What if we could just release blame and accept accountability? What if we could move beyond blaming and be responsible adults? What would our workplaces look like? Our families ? Our nation? More importantly, what would your interactions personally and professionally look like if you knew that there is no blame?

In over twenty years of coaching in organizations I have found that whatever is happening in an organization is what should be happening. That is, the dynamics between people play out in such a way that the results we see are logical. If I don't respect you and you don't respect me, our behavior toward each other will reflect that inner disrespect. There is no other way it could play out unless one of us changes our point of view. Your disrespectful behavior has an inflammatory effect on me. I strike back and my behavior has a negative effect on you. We feed each other's anger. We collude. I need for you to be angry and unreasonable because it justifies my thinking and my behavior.

Additionally the structure of our organization encourages our conflict. Our manager doesn't address the conflict between us. People around us are afraid to get involved. Self optimizing behaviors are rewarded rather than encouraging behaviors that optimize the whole. Your work suffers because I am not responsive to your needs. My work suffers because you are not responsive. My staff and your staff see each other as adversaries, rather than as members of the same team. Who is to blame? Is it me? Is it you? Is it our manager who won't deal with us? Is it the organization that rewards our behaviors?

Blame is not the answer. Leadership is. The question to be asked is: What do I want? What do we want? In blaming we are focused on what we don't want. Blaming leads us to one of two positions, to become "victimful" or forceful. As a victim you have no choices. You are subject to the decisions of others. If you decide to fight, then you become forceful. As a forceful person there is only one choice, yours.

The goal of the victim is to lose and then to be seen as the unfortunate, special one. The goal of the forceful person is to win at someone else's expense. Leadership is about true power. True power is action from the recognition that there are many choices and that the outcomes need to benefit all of us. The leader asks: What do we want? The organization needs to be successful. People in the organization need to feel safe, valued, and part of something meaningful. This environment is created by offering a compelling vision, having clear behavioral expectations, listening, offering honest feedback, and meeting people's needs.

If you are the leader and things are not going well in your organization, department, or team, start with yourself. Have you set forth a vision? Are expectations clear? Do you meet people's needs? Do they have the resources to do their jobs? Do you speak honestly to others and listen carefully? Even if you are not the designated leader, you can do most of these things. There is no one to blame, but there are answers to be found. There are opportunities to be seized.

As you know this is an election year. The two candidates, Obama and Romney, are well into the blame game. The politics of blame has ramped up in recent years. Attack ads and finger pointing by the candidates are aimed at attaching a negative, unpleasant emotional experience to the opposing candidate. I have read and heard hateful comments people hold toward President Obama. The blame game has been successful with these people. On the flip side, there were many liberals who hated George W. Bush. Hatred is a conditioned emotional response based on constant repetition of blaming thoughts. There are plenty of reasons to have intelligent disagreement with the present and former presidents. Hating someone doesn't make anything right.

Conflict between the parties is a logical outcome because the system is adversarial. If you help someone from another party to govern, you are helping the competition. Your help might be essential for the country, but it could cost your party the next election. In this adversarial system each party needs for the other to fail. Failure by one party, is celebrated by the other, even though it costs the country as a whole. Who is to blame? Is it the President? Is it the Speaker of the House? There is no shared vision. It isn't a priority to work together. The current state is exactly what should be happening because the dynamics in place could allow nothing different.

Certainly a great tragedy (Like 9/11) could bring us together. Is that what we want? Or, leaders could step up and create the vision, offer clear expectations to their partisan colleagues to work together, and listen to all points of view. As citizens we can refuse to enable negative campaigning opting instead to understand the leader's vision and strategy. We demand so little of our political leaders.

There is no blame. It's not about blame. It's about vision and leadership. It is about behaving in ways that align with the vision and our values. It is about stepping outside of our small world need to be right and to have our way. It is transcending our little ego who fights to defend its self image, its political or religious agendas, its belief system--- and recognizing our interdependence. We all affect each other.

There is no blame. There is accountability, which is your commitment to deliver on your agreements. There is responsibility, which is your ability to respond. In Washington, who will be accountable and reach across party lines to do what is best for the whole country? In your workplace, who will clarify what is wanted and step up to achieve it? The same could be asked regarding your family or your community. Your thoughts, words and actions affect others. Your words and actions are your message, your legacy. Are you a visionary, or are you a blamer? The choice is yours.