I receive the text message long before we are even supposed to meet… he is excited to see me and thinking about the upcoming meeting. I’m getting turned on mentally in that moment, and slowly, anticipation starts to build. By the time I arrive at our meeting place I have passed arousal and made it to a sense of nervousness. I barely know this man, and in the past we have only shared a few hot kisses. We begin the evening with a luxurious glass of wine, sitting on the floor and casually talking about our days. The whole time he is looking deep into my eyes and continues to make comments on how beautiful I am, how my hair and skin are so soft, etc. I begin to get lost in the trance he is creating around me. I find it hard to turn my thoughts into words and will my brain to work as I tell him how much I am enjoying his presence. We sit and begin doing some breathing exercises, and all he does is stroke my arm and goose bumps cover my entire body. He requests to undress me and instead of jumping straight to pulling off my jeans and t-shirt he slowly kisses and caresses every inch of my body as his hands ever so slowly inch my clothes off. He does so with great skill, and the whole time he’s whispering sweet words into my ear, breathing softly across my skin, and allowing me to look deep into his beautiful brown eyes. He steps back and admires my body and suddenly I feel like a 16-year-old virgin who has never let a boy look at her naked body… and boy am I turned on. I reciprocate and spend some time teasing and worshipping his body as I begin undressing him. I can see he is also turned on and electricity crackles through the air. We have barely touched naked skin yet we are both on fire!
This evening was magnificent and we continued worshipping each other. Though without my partner stoking the orgasmic fires, the evening would not have been quite so hot and steamy. One of the areas in regards to my sexual practices that I always have to keep coming back to is constantly practicing surrender and allowing the chatter in my head to fall away. This is a much harder job if a person is attempting to have sex only “half warm”. As my lovers caress not only my lips, hair, and sides but also my heart and mind, I am able to fall into the sensation. I fall into a tantric trance.
In todays’ world we are busy people and so in attempt to get everything done we never truly do anything with our whole attention. This goes for our sexual encounters as well…. It has become drive-through sex. Yes, occasionally you only have time for a quickie because the kids are screaming, the phone is ringing, and dammit you still have to finish up that project from work. However even in that situation there are ways to turn that quickie from a “nice release” to a “hot little romp”.
Both sexes need to stoke their orgasmic energy prior to intercourse but often for different reasons. Women take an average of 20minutes to become aroused and to be ready to have an orgasm. Women need to truly be able to take the time to drop fully into their bodies, which includes being able to get out of their heads. They need to feel that their partners are with them and that the energetic connection is present. The pussy intuitively knows when something is missing from this equation and so often will not fully open. This is where the sex is not satisfying or creates physical damage to the woman’s body. Men, on the other hand, have an easier time getting aroused and from a young age are conditioned to be more in tune with their genitals. However, in order for men to experience a full body orgasm that lasts for an extended amount of time and not simply have a sharp 30 second party, they also need time to build the kundalini energy all the way up the spine from the root chakra. Foreplay is important for the male body, most especially if the man is having problems with premature ejaculation, difficulty ejaculating, difficulty connecting emotionally with his partner, or if the man is experiencing quick/short orgasms. It is also worth mentioning that when the female energy is awakened, she is going to pull incredibly strong energy up in the male, and so their combined orgasms are going to be stronger.
There is no "right" way to go about foreplay since different people are going to be turned on by different things. However, here are some suggestions to begin to liven up foreplay:
Start sending messages to the other person earlier in the day to arouse their mind. These messages could be dropping hints or they could tell the other person EXACTLY what they have in store for them later on in the day.
Tell the other person how much you enjoy their body, heart, and spirit. Discuss how they are turning you on in the moment.
Take an extended amount of time removing the other person’s clothing and reveling in their body prior to undressing them
Kiss, kiss, and kiss some more. Women's genitals particularly are attached to the lips.
Don't just go for the "goods"! Worship the person’s whole body from the tips of their toes to the top of their head. That way when you finally do make it to the genitals, they will need less coaxing.
Tease and play with different sensations
Engage in oral sex with your partner, but instead of looking at it as a chore, find a way to do it for your pleasure.
Eye gazing in order for both parties to have time to settle into their bodies and to connect on a soul level.
Just a few ways to get your body ready for intercourse. Savor every tiny little moment and remember to stay present... And enjoy!
Addison Bell is a local Tantric Practitioner, Experiential Sex Coach, and Body-Image Expert. She is known for her fierce passion for helping others reach their life potential.
Over the last 10 years Addison has gathered a multitude of skills and knowledge and has integrated these modalities into her own Tantric healing blend. Addison has a Master's in Counseling and has training/certifications in sexuality, body-image, Reiki, and other experiential techniques.
It has been a long and beautiful road for Addison to get to her current life path. She was raised in a Catholic family with strict ideals surrounding sex, marriage, and sin. She spent years internalizing societal messages which she would later overcome and become an advocate for in her work. After childhood sexual abuse, rape, an eating disorder and extreme sexual shame Addison knew she needed a change. With the help of a few beautiful souls she decided to step into her sex, her truth, and simply her life. Addison has found her way to an abundant and fulfilled life and now takes joy in bringing these gifts to others through a variety of methods.
Addison views our sexual fulfillment as a reflection of how we are living the rest of our lives. She is a raw and honest individual that uses both her years of experience & her personal journey to help people to move forward. Clients are refreshed by her open and honest approach to issues of body-image, sexuality, desire, and shame. www.addisonbell.net