Release Those Judgmental Thoughts

Can you think of a colleague, co-worker or acquaintance who really annoys you, but is probably a pretty agreeable person underneath their irritating qualities? Stated another way, are there people who make you bristle because of a certain aspect of their personality, but if you consider them with an open heart, you could find quite a few redeeming qualities? I can say yes to both of these questions, so I assume that you can, too.

Psychologists tell us that the qualities in others that most irritate us are the qualities that we fear in ourselves. If it weren't so, then the other person's behavior wouldn't bother us and we wouldn't even notice it. For example, I mentally label loud and talkative people as rude or braggadocio. But, if I am really honest with myself, I have a tendency - or perhaps it is an internal wish - to be loud, talkative and braggy. However, if I weren't somehow conflicted over that tendency, it probably wouldn't annoy me so much when I encounter loud and talkative people.

What happens when we unmindfully hold onto judgmental thoughts about others? Those feelings can grow from a mere irritation to a huge iceberg of resentment, jeopardizing your working relationship with that person and sometimes poisoning the team's spirit if the person is a co-worker. Because negative emotions create stress in our minds and bodies, holding onto a judgment or a resentment hurts us - it is a self-inflicted wound. To recognize and release a judgment allows us to lighten our load of destructive emotions. We do it for ourselves.

There are some steps we can take to stop our judgments of other people:

1. Make an inventory of past triggers.The first thing we can do is take a mental inventory of the people and their qualities who have angered, annoyed or irritated us in the past. This prepares us with a list of traits that has triggered our reactions in the past and helps us recognize them as we experience them in the future.

2. Notice when you label or judge someone.We need to train ourselves to become aware of our judgments, which fortunately becomes easier with practice. Mentally scanning the body for emotions occasionally during the day can help us identify a judgmental feeling, which usually lodges in our solar plexus or lower in the abdomen. As soon as possible, notice when you judge or label something or someone - before the judgment turns into a resentment.

3. Stop. Interrupt your run-away thoughts, emotions and judgments.Breathe, imagining that you are breathing through your heart space. Five breaths will open your heart space and neutralize your cascading judgmental thoughts.

4. Gain perspective.View the person or event from a neutral or different point of view. You might attempt to perceive the situation from the viewpoint of an unconditionally loving mother, saying to yourself, "Surely this person's mother loves her." Or you might perceive the situation from the perspective of a disinterested third party. What might a person who has no emotional investment in the situation observe or think? Lastly, consider the situation from the soul perspective, opening your heart and your spirit to the essential goodness in the other person and the ultimate perfection of the situation. This is where miracles happen.

5. Thank the person at a soul level.There are no coincidences. This person or situation has appeared in your life for a reason, perhaps as an opportunity to learn a life lesson. The other person's soul agreed to engage in this encounter for your benefit, or for the benefit of both souls. On some unseen level, there is perfection in the situation. Gratitude is an appropriate response. Thank the other person. Or you can use a phrase common in the southern region of the US, and mentally say with deepest sincerity, "Bless your heart."

Recently, I noticed myself judging someone in a business meeting. Fortunately, I caught myself before I got too deep in my judgmental interpretation of the behavior that I found irritating. Taking a deep breath, I found myself thinking of how her mother must love her. I found that amusing but helpful. Then, in my spirit, I miraculously caught a glimpse of her soul. That sudden shift in perspective surprised me and I smiled to myself. All of this happened in a split second, so rest assured that I didn't zone out of the meeting for more than a couple of words! Only later did I remember to thank her soul, but when I did, I immediately felt a shift in energy between us.

I am grateful for the opportunity to develop my awareness and learn from my experiences. As always, my hope is that, by sharing my journey, your journey will be enhanced.