If one was to come across a magazine or a newspaper, for instance, they may be told that if they are a man, they will be attracted to a certain type of women and vice versa. For example, when it comes to women, it is likely to say that their hip to waist ratio is important, and for men, it could talk about the importance of height.
But while this is the kind of thing that one is likely to hear about in the mainstream media, it would be inaccurate to say that it reflects reality. Now, this is not to say that there won’t be instances where this is the case; what it comes down to is that life is rarely this black and white.
The Real World
If one was to take the time to reflect on people that they were attracted to in the past, they may find that they have a certain type. This could be a time where one comes to see how they go for people who have a certain appearance, or they might find that they are drawn to a certain type of personality.
At the same time, both of these things could play a part in the kind of person they are drawn to. During this time, they could also wonder why they were attracted to these people, and this is likely to be a sign that they didn’t match up with the idea in their mind.
What this shows is that there can the kind of person who one says they are attracted to on one side, and the kind of person they are actually attracted to on the other side. As a result of this, they may find that they are drawn to people who are not a good match.
Having said that, this could also mean that they end up with people who are a good match, and this means they are not going to be too concerned about what is taking place. Yet, if one is drawn to people who are not right for them, it is going to be normal for them to be concerned.
One way of looking at this would be to say that their mind wants one thing and their body wants something else. Their body will be pulled to someone and it won’t matter what is taking place in their mind.
And when this happens, they could end up getting completely caught up in what is taking place and lose touch with the part of them that wants to keep their distance. It could then be a little while before they are able to regain their senses, so to speak.
Through experiencing life in this way, it would be normal for one to feel as though they have no control. Their attention could then be focused on the people they are attracted to, and how they are the problem.
But even though one can feel as though they have no control, this is not the truth. What it is likely to come down to is that they have disconnected from the part of them that is drawn to the wrong type of people, and this then sets them up to be victimize themselves.
A Number of Outcomes
This can mean that one will be in a position where they are attracted to people who end up being abusive. Thus, the interactions they have with someone will start of as having a positive effect on their life and they will end up having the opposite effect.
However, one could also be in a position where they are drawn to people who need to be rescued. In the beginning, they could feel as though they are happy to be there for them, and then as time passes, they could end up feeling used.
Out of Balance
In their mind, they could believe that if they take care of their needs, the other person will return the favour. But regardless of how much they give, they may find that this is something that rarely, if ever, takes place.
Their relationship will end up being out of balance, and it is not going to be much for a surprise for them to feel angry about it. And even if they realise what someone else is like when they meet them, they could still feel compelled to be there for them.
If one was to get in touch with what is taking place in their body, there is a strong chance that they would come to see that they feel comfortable with their own needs, and this is why they try to get their needs met indirectly. This means that one would feel ashamed if they were to reveal their needs in a direct manner.
And as they don’t feel comfortable with their needs, they are going to end up being attracted to people who are unable to fulfil their needs. These people are likely to be caught up in their own life and they could see them as though they are their parent.
Along with this, the reason why one is drawn to people who need to be rescued is because it reminds them of the part of themselves that needs to be rescued. But as they are disconnected from this part, it is not going to be possible for them to realise what is taking place.
And so until they are able connect to the part of themselves that needs to be healed, they will continue to try to rescue others instead. Another way of looking at this would be to say that one is trying to rescue themselves by rescuing others.
A Deeper Look
The reason why one is ashamed of their needs and disconnected from the part of themselves that needs to be healed is likely to be due to what took place during their childhood years. During these years, one’s needs would have been ignored and they may have taken care of caregivers needs instead.
When one gets in touch with the part of themselves that they have disconnected from, it can be painful, but unlike the pain they will experience through trying to rescue others; it won’t last forever. The pain one experiences through rescuing others is going to be easier to handle, and this is one reason why they can continue to behave in this way.
In order for one to put an end up this dynamic, it will be important for them to reach out for external support, and this can be provided by a therapist and/or a support group.
Prolific writer, author and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over nine hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."
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