Whilst there are some people on this planet who have relationships that are life-affirming, there are others who have relationships that are the complete opposite. They are then living on the same planet, but the experience they have on this planet is going to be radically different.
When one has relationships that are life-affirming, their time on this earth is going to be far more fulfilling. In these kinds of relationships, each person is there to support the other and to assist in their growth as human beings.
If, on the other hand, one has relationships that are not like this, their life is going to be a lot harder than it needs to be. The people around them are then not there to support them; they are there to cause them problems.
The Wolf in Sheep's Clothing
This doesn’t mean that the other person was like this in the beginning, and this is why one can end up being surprised by how things have turned out. However, if they showed their true colours from the outset, it would be harder for the other person to attract people into their life.
Yet, there is also the chance that the signs were there from the start and then as time passed, they gradually began to change. Therefore, the person they became was a surprise, but it was not as if they hadn’t seen it coming.
The people around them may also have spoken up and asked them why the other person was in their life. But while they may have already been aware, another part of them may have caused them to overlook other people’s advice.
They may have sensed something was not right and their mind may have also spoken up, but the information they received from these two sources may have been ignored. Instead, one may have got caught up in how they felt and this then stopped them from being able to see clearly.
If one is already surrounded by people who are unhealthy, there is not going to be much chance of them receiving this kind of feedback. Or if they do, it may come from people who they are not close to.
What they hear from these people might be dismissed and one can then ends u staying in a dysfunctional relationship. And the longer they have someone in their life, the harder it can be for them to let them go.
This could be a relationship where the other person comes across as supportive in one moment and in the next moment they could end up being verbally and/physically abusive. They can then up feeling really good and really bad when they are in their presence.
If it is not this extreme, it might just be a relationship where one has to hide how they feel, and this then stops them from experiencing intimacy . It is then not going to be possible for one to be themselves and this means they will have to hide their true-self.
And when one is in a dysfunctional relationship, it shows that they are not putting their needs first. For one reason or another, they are involved in a relationship that is not good for them, and the longer they stay in this relationship, the worse they will feel about themselves.
In this case, it will be important for them to leave the relationship, and they may even have other relationships that they also need to walk away from. Through doing this, one may believe that they will be able to have relationships that are life-affirming.
Once one has left a dysfunctional relationship, for instance, they might take the time to think about what happened and to get back in touch with themselves, and after a while, they might feel as though they are ready to find someone else. The next person they meet could be completely different, and if this is the case, this will show that they have moved on.
If this happens, it could also mean that they have other people in their life who were also healthy. Being in a dysfunctional relationship with someone was then the exception as opposed to the rule.
The Same Dynamic
One could also leave a dysfunctional relationship and then end up in exactly the same position. They may have taken a break and thought about what happened, or they might not have taken the time to do this.
Even though they have left a relationship that was dysfunctional, they may feel the urge to get back together with the same person (even though they haven’t changed) or to find someone similar. If they are aware of what is happening, they may observe how they feel and wonder what is going on.
A Deeper Look
What this shows it that leaving a dysfunctional relationship is not always going to stop one from having dysfunctional relationships, and that it will be important for them to look at what is taking place within them. Through doing this, one will have the chance to see why they are attracted to certain people.
There will be what is taking place in their head and then there will be what is going on in their body. Intellectually, one can want one thing, but their body can want something else.
If one has a pattern of attracting dysfunctional relationships, it is likely to be a sign that this is what is familiar, and to the ego mind, what is familiar is what is safe. As a result of this, it doesn’t matter whether one is happy; what matters is experiencing that which is familiar.
This is not something one has to think about, as this will take place automatically and without one having to do anything. And all the time one is not aware of what is happening, they can end up feeling as though they have no control.
The kind of person one is attracted to as an adult can be the result of the kind of experiences they had during their childhood years. If one believes their childhood experiences have played a part or if they just want to put an end up what is happening, it might be necessary for them to work with a therapist and/or a support group.
This can be a time of changing what one believes and mourning unmet childhood needs, among other things.
Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over seven hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."
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