The Power of Yielding ~ Getting Your Way by Giving In

Part One

During the next few weeks I want to introduce some of the transformational power tools I use as a coach and today I want to start off with my favorite one,

yielding , or, the power of giving in.

My first conscious encounter with ‘yielding’, or better the lack thereof, was in American traffic. I lived in Germany at the time and was on one of my trips to the US to learn my craft as a leadership coach. Yielding had come up in my life, especially in my relationships, but so far I had refused to pay attention to it. I was impatient and pressured and I wanted things to go my way. I considered myself to be down to earth and practical, with a very clear understanding of how things worked. If others would just see it my way, life could be much better easier!

[pedestrians_go] Our training took place in Austin, TX and on that specific day I was driving around town running some errands for the workshop. The car was a mini-van borrowed from one of the staff members. Everything was going smooth, I was on time and things were under control. I drove up to a big intersection with cars coming down a hill. I had to turn left and the light was green. I saw a big sign telling me to yield and confidently I turned. In that moment everything changed. I saw a big truck coming down the hill and for some strange reason it was not slowing down! I tried to get out of the way but it was too late. The truck slammed into the side of my van, pushing it across the intersection. Things came to a sudden stop. Trembling I got out of the car. The driver of the truck approached me with an angry look on his face. What was wrong with him? People gathered and the police was there in minutes. I was confused. Why did everybody seem to think that this was my fault?

I did find out the true meaning of yielding eventually, and how to navigate through life – and traffic- by giving in to others. It was not always easy but the outcome has been astounding. My life has become easier and much more enjoyable. I started to get more of what I want while others did as well. That accident in the middle of a busy intersection in Austin, TX was the beginning of a life change that keeps surprising me to this day!

yield·ing, (yeel-ding)

1. Giving way to pressure, force or argument, flexible, supple2. Producing a return for effort or investment, to be productive

The way I want to introduce yielding is a combination of both: Giving in without giving up and producing amazing results by doing so! In the following I will show you how to use yielding in your communications with others.

Get your way by giving in.

• [street_salsa_01] Imagine you and your partner are having an argument. You want to solve a certain issue one way and he wants to handle it differently. During the conversation both of you try to get their way. Neither one gives in. Things get heated up and you are getting nowhere. Over time you both get angry and frustrated. “How can he be so stubborn!” “Why in the world can’t she understand a simple fact?”Sounds familiar? Two people trying to get their way by pushing and forcing their will onto another person. Instead of solving the issue at hand it turns into a power struggle of who is right. In the process a lot of energy is wasted, harmony is lost and an opportunity for cooperation has turned into a fight.
• Let’s take the same situation. You and your partner are having an argument about handling a certain situation and this time you give in. Instead of trying to get your point across, you listen to him. Calm down, put yourself into his shoes and make him right. “I get your point” or, “that sounds like a good idea, I have not thought of this.” Once you have your partners attention, you can tell him what you had in mind. Do this in an open way. “What do you think of this idea? Have you thought of doing it this way?”In most cases there are many ways to solve an issue, be open to it and be ready to give up your point of view. Isn’t what really matters most is that you get what you want (which is probably NOT being right), that the issue gets solved and that you keep harmony and happiness alive?
• Exercise
  Write down 10 situations where you argued or tried to get your way by using force. How did the situation unfold? Did you get what you wanted?

  Now look at each situation and think of ways you could have solved it by yielding. Would the situation and the outcome have changed?

  When doing this exercise , be honest with yourself and keep your sense of humor!

In part two of this post I will show you how to yield to the pressures in your life. This will help you to relax, get out of your own way and follow your life’s natural rhythm!