On Match Making - Common Interests Vs Contrast

This is a post on relationships and compatibility, because I have seen so many people dating and interviewing their prospective partners on things such as their interests, hobbies, job, and the things they like to “do for fun”, in order to delineate whether or not they are a good match, the decision on which will be based upon whether or not they share a large number of common interests and activities.

And I have a very important message for you people out there dating and looking for relationships:

COMMON INTERESTS AND ACTIVITIES DO NOT MAKE FOR GOOD RELATIONSHIPS!!!

While you do of course want to share some interests and such with your prospective partner…common interests does not mean compatible personality types! This is very important for you to know as you are going out there dating . What you should be looking for is a person with a compatible personality type, not common ground!

For just because you like the same things as someone, or do the same types of things, means that you will match up well with them as two characters.

What you need to be looking for is compatible…and not only that but complimentary.

For you see not only does someone liking the same music not mean that you match up well with them, or that the person you will match up well with will like all the same stuff as you…but not only does matching up well not really mean having similar interests…but usually matching up well with someone does not mean being entirely similar at all!

For you see compatible and complimentary do not mean being exactly the same as someone.

Think about it…what would it really be like to date yourself? Would you really get along with a person like that? Someone who shared all your same faults and weaknesses? Someone who didn't compliment you at all and fill in any of your gaps? Someone who didn't bring anything to the table that you already had in your own character and mind? And who conversing with…was really just like talking to yourself?

You see many people, in searching for an “ideal romantic partner” think that matching up well with someone not only means sharing common interests (which as I have just illustrated, does not), but think that finding that perfect match (aka “soul mate”) means someone who is a lot like them…which couldnt be further from the truth.

Because someone who is extremely similar to you would not be bringing anything new to the table…no new ideas to introduce to you…no new things to have you try…and most of all no strengths where you have weaknesses, in order to compliment your personality.

And that is why most relationships do not last. Because people are dating others based on common interests and similar personalities…which is a monotonous relationship that has absolutely no room for growth. There is no compliment!

You see complimenting one another means that you have strengths where your partner has weaknesses, and vice versa, so you guys really fill in each others gaps and help one another to become more complete. And you can introduce new ideas to the other person they wouldn’t have thought of on their own allowing them to triangulate their perspective and broaden their frame of reference, and also broaden their horizons by introducing new things to them to try that they wouldn’t have tried on their own.

That is what relationships are about. Two people enhancing one another's life by bringing new things to the table which compliment what one another already has. Its this compliment that makes two people compatible. Not sharing every interest and viewpoint. But having enough contrast between the two of you that you balance and harmonize one another with other elements that the other one doesn’t have (perhaps even opposite), like Yin and Yang.

Because you yourself only possess certain character traits and qualities, etc. So consider that what you possess within yourself to be one side of the spectrum, and you have the opportunity (and need) to enhance what you already have with some complimentary characteristics which you do not have. For as a male or female, you will have a certain predisposition which is very different from that of the opposite sex. And will find yourself being much more completed when certain contrasting characteristics are introduced to your self and lifestyle. For Yin and Yang each have only one side of the spectrum of what there is…and they need their polar opposite in order to be completed and fulfilled. And this is perfect compliment and compatibility.

Whereas dating someone who is a lot like yourself only causes further disbalance, like pairing yin with yin or yang with yang…or trying to stick a north pole of a magnet with another north pole, or south with south…they just don’t go together! There is nothing contrasting enough about them to match up! People are supposed to fit together like puzzel pieces. Its like I said before, one person is supposed to fill in the others gaps.

Now don’t get me wrong, you cant be opposite to the point where you hate all of each others interests and dont want to do anything the other person does. Obviously you have to appreciate or at least tolerate most of the things about the other person. And don’t worry, you don’t have to like everything they like and do everything they do. You are allowed to be different in some ways that you don’t care for. Your not going to find someone who you match up with 100% perfectly. So don’t let some interest that you don’t want to take part in that your partner has cause you to leave an otherwise healthy relationship.

But when you find that person who not only can appreciate, (or at least tolerate) most of your interests and lifestyle activities etc, and who you can introduce new interests and activities to, and vice versa. And who you can expand the frame of reference and perspective of, and who can help to expand yours…and really help you to “triangulate” your personality and lifestyle with their contrasting personality type….

Then you can really have a very interesting growth oriented relationship. One that will help you grow as a person, and progress in life…and a relationship that will not be monotonous and boring, but interesting and exciting and will progress over the years rather than leaving you restless and hungry for more…and coming to an end.

So remember, when you are looking for your ideal romantic partner, that just because they like the same things does not mean you are a good match. You need to learn about their personality and character. Who they really are as a person. You need to connect psychologically, both intellectually and emotionally, in order to see exactly how you match up and if your personality types are compatible and complimentary. And don’t allow differences to make you think that you do not match up well, for it is our differences that allow us to complete and fulfill one another. And when you can use this type of selection system in order to find your romantic partners you will find someone that matches up with you in a very enriching way that will give you a very ultimate type of romantic relationship and really help you to have a great life! And that is what love is all about, isn’t it?

So be sure to use this method of selection, and good luck in your search for romance, and for more highly systematized Venusian Arts strategies for your dating and love life, be sure to check out my “Venusian Arts” Programs and Products and my whole “True Life Relationships” Division where I completely lay out the entire social science of romance!

Happy Hunting! :)