Making Love Work

Managing conflict is the foundation of a lasting relationship. There were many implications that support the hypothesis that positive affect and de-escalation are predictive of positive outcomes in any relationship, including marriage. To the extent that positive affect and de-escalation involves the physiological soothing of the man either by his partner or by himself. In other words, men must take responsibility for their contribution to the state of a relationships condition. There were many components that contributed to failing and failed relationships. They found that partners who did not summarize their partners feelings nor even summarizing the content of their partners statements had short-lived relationships. Furthermore, they almost never validated their spouses’ feelings (Gottman, et al. 1998). The pattern predicative of divorce was consistently negative start-up by the wife, the refusal of the husband to accept influence from his wife, and the wife’s reciprocation of the low intensity negativity in any kind and the absence of de-escalation of low intensity negativity by the husband. The only variable that predicted both marital stability and marital happiness among stable couples was the amount of positive affect during the course of conflict. Only couples with those ingredients eventually wound up stable and happy. Research has found that in courtship that couples that share intimate stories with some emphasis on relational affect experience a head start in establishing high-quality marriages. (Gottman, et al. 1998). Results suggest that couples who focus more on the similarities and altruistic behaviors have a greater potential for successful marriages.
Conclusion
Relationships are successful until we choose to allow them to fail. It is by education, forgiveness , willingness to reconcile and to trust that we find true intimacy . Longitivity is not the result of a temporary emotional state. It is the product of a shared value system, mutual respect and unconditional love.
The clinical implications for therapists suggest that the focus in marital counseling be redirected toward developing better listening, communicating and emotional management skills. An emphasis on mature, responsible love and the implementation of techniques that are associated with its development would greatly increase the results for stable and healthy relationships. My new book Break Up, Don't Break Down is a user friendly guide for both the individual and clinicians. It contains no -nonsense approaches to resolution of separation anxiety issues while addressing self actualization needs. Also it set the course for opening the door to embracing future healthy love relationships. For more information Google, "D Ivan Young" or simply visit my website at www.divanyoung.com . Break Up, Don't Break Down can be purchased there.