It's All About You!

The topic of forgiveness has ground shaking power and mind altering inspiration. In my experience working with the many women who have crossed my path in need of healing through forgiveness, there is probably no other single subject that brings more angst, confusion, excitement and enlightenment . While forgiveness is often focused on forgiving someone else for something they did, I’ve learned that at the core of forgiveness is forgiving yourself. It’s really all about you.

If you are a victim of abuse or a survivor of cancer then you may well be wondering, “what in the heck?! And how does my illness relate to forgiveness anyways?” This is where the pedal hits the metal with the power of forgiveness.

When my spiritual teacher James Twyman first proclaimed that forgiveness is ultimately about forgiving yourself from separating from God, I had a similar reaction – hunh? I think my head must have literally done a 180 in an attempt to grasp this concept which shook me to the center of my being. I’d always believed that if my best friend did something to hurt me that it was about forgiving her for that deed.

I took Jimmy’s words and sat quietly with them for days. I was fortunate to be part of the Beloved Community’s month-long seminary intensive program in Oregon and so didn’t have the distraction of children, dogs, floor refinishing or baby geese. I prayed long and hard about what this meant. If forgiveness is ultimately about forgiving me, then what did I do to separate from God? My soul chose this body, but wasn’t God the one really making that decision? Where does my responsibility lie and how do I forgive myself for something I don’t really understand?

So I did what I always do when I’m not sure…I experimented with the idea. I began to work with the notion that if something in someone else is irking me then I must go straight to the depths of the situation, look closely and strive to forgive myself, bypassing any steps to forgive the other person. What I learned through this trial and error, as well as through research with expert spiritual teachers, is two things:

• One – whatever actions or characteristics are bothering me about someone else is an arrow pointing directly toward something that is unresolved within me. God and the Angels only see goodness and any harmful feelings only separate me from that divine connection. Thus there lies a gift showing me where I need healing through forgiveness of self. For example, if I think a friend is being judgmental and it’s really bothering me, then I know that on some level I am upset that I have been judgmental. And so I begin my inner journey to release this self-projected emotion through forgiveness.
• Two – there is nothing I can do to change someone else’s behavior. The only forces I can influence are my own thoughts and actions. If I believe my neighbor hurt me and I don’t see how I could have provoked it, by the Law of Attraction , something in my energy field created this situation and it is essential that I take responsibility for it. If I change my attitude to be one of forgiveness for myself and compassion for them, my entire relationship with that person changes.

It’s divine timing that I am finishing this article on the day of my only daughter’s graduation. I lay in bed last night teary eyed and recollecting some of the precious little moments of her childhood. These memories bring such joy and I couldn’t help but wonder, “Why does this inspirational landmark in her life feel so bittersweet? Why not just sweet?” And then I realized that it was largely my own beliefs about myself that I hadn’t resolved. Perhaps I hadn’t always been the perfect mother. Maybe I should have sent her to a different school sooner. She struggled to have friends when she was younger, but look at her now – should I have spent so much energy worrying about her social life? Did that help or hurt? You know the routine. So I embarked this morning on a renewed journey to look within as many nooks and crannies I can find and forgive myself. After all, what good are these beliefs doing now anyways? She’s an amazing young woman with an enormous heart and a deep passion to change the world. I must forgive so I can let go and treasure the present moment.

Take this opportunity to look at your unresolved conflicts as they relate to your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. Whether they are your beliefs about yourself or someone else, take ownership. Strengthen your connection to the Angels by cleansing and healing your soul through the power of forgiveness. Go ahead and try it. Find something to forgive yourself for. It’s really all about you!