Towards the end of 2014, I felt a lot better than I did in the beginning of 2013, and what also played a part here is that I had recently been away. I had gone to Mexico for my sister’s wedding in June that year.

Going away gave me a lift and, when I came back, I wondered why I didn’t go away more often. I enjoyed the warm weather, meeting new people, trying different food and finding out about what Mexico was like.

Time for a Different Approach

So, as I felt better, I knew that what I had been doing to heal the pain within me was no longer working. If I hadn’t gone away during this time, I probably would have continued to do the same thing.

Ultimately, I wasn’t prepared to go back to how I felt before. But while I wasn’t prepared to do this, I still had to find a way to go to the next level; this wasn’t something that would just happen.

The Contrast

As time went by, I gradually returned to how I felt before I went away. This wasn’t the end of the world, though, as I was able to get in touch with how I felt whilst I was away – I had a new reference point.
I was during this time that I was reading a book called ‘Heartwounds: Role of Unresolved Grief and Trauma in Relationships’ by Tian Dayton. Through reading this book, and looking at other sources, I came to see that I was carrying a lot of grief .

Reaching Out

In august, after I had been back for a number of weeks, I looked for a therapist who did SHEN therapy. I had been working with someone who practiced this therapy, but I thought that I had gone as far as I could with this person.

Nevertheless, it wasn’t a case of anyone would do, I wanted to find someone who had worked with people who had experienced grief . I soon came across someone called Vijay Rana.

The Real Deal

On the website that he had at the time, he spoke about his own experience of overcoming grief , amongst other things. I knew instantly that this was someone who I had to work with.

The loss of my father in 2011 and the neglect I experienced as a child were two of the things that had played a part in the grief I was carrying. After I worked With Vijay for the first time, I could see that this was someone who knew what he was doing.

As Time Went By

During this time, I developed the ability to contain my emotions, and this took place through letting go of the emotional pain that was within me and through being affirmed. And, as I got stronger, I was able to cry out a lot of the pain that was within me.

For around a year, I ended up crying for at least ten minutes each day. This was generally something that I consciously chose to do, as opposed to something that just happened.

I Had To Do It

Listening to music, looking at old pictures and visiting my father’s grave were some of the ways in which I was able to do this. I didn’t feel much better when I first started crying, but as the months went by I gradually felt better.

Now that I have been through this process, I realise how important it is to be able to cry. Before this took place, I thought that crying was a sign of weakness, but now I understand that this is something that takes strength.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand five hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. His current projects include 'A Dialogue With The Heart' and 'Communication Made Easy'.

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