How To Fix Communication In A Marriage: Poor Communication In Marriage - Communication Problem In Marriage

How To Fix Communication In A Marriage : Poor Communication In Marriage - Communication Problem In Marriage

Now I'm really putting myself in the firing line - but with good cause.

Why?

Simple, really.

Because I'm sick of the way both casual commentators and some of the experts continually perpetrate an insidious idea that I believe contributes to marriage problems.

And neither spouse is aware that this myth is getting in the way of them making headway in improving their marriage . The reason being is that this is one of those phrases that has become a standard remark to those requiring marriage help.

Here it is:

Marriage Myth 3

"Marriage Is Hard Work"

No, it isn't. Marriage in itself is not hard work. There - I've said it!

So what brings me to this conclusion? Well, a combination of observation, involvement, education, discussion and facilitation.

Look, I get it - "What would you know - you haven't been through what we've been through!" is the cry I hear from the multitudes. Not quite true. I have, in many cases, been there and, yes, being there was hard work.

And that's just the point. Being there was hard. The solutions were much easier: 'face-palming' easier. Once I realised how simple the solutions were, I understood that marriage wasn't hard. Not knowing or applying simple strategies or basic common sense were what complicated things.

Which brought me to this realisation: Life is the difficult, complex, obstructionist thing that couples have to get their heads around. Don't blame marriage for all the problems. Life is what gets in the way. The funny thing is, when you apply solutions to your marriage problems, it's incredible how life's problems suddenly become clearer, more in perspective and easier to deal with.

It also doesn't help that the phrase "Marriage is hard work" is entirely negative.

Do we really want to think about more hard work in amongst all the other stuff the day throws at us? Work, family , money, negotiating leisure time?

Those are hard work. Those are the things that usually lead to marriages going flat or breaking down. It's the focus on those to the detriment of both of you and your relationship that causes most of the marriage problems that my wife and I help others deal with.

It's no-ones fault. We're not born with an instinctive feel for how life ticks. It's a learning process. The same is true for marriage. Once you understand that great communication (as mentioned in prior articles) is the foundational, but not the only, skill that smooths the marital journey, you discover how much easier marriage is to maintain at an enjoyable, enriching level.

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This is a common problem for any spouse whose trying to save their marriage. You seem to be lost for ideas or everything you've tried so far just isn't working. While it's not exactly your fault, there are several things you should be aware of if you continue to struggle. Some of these things can turn a marriage around in an instant.

First of all, take a closer look at how your handling the news of your spouses desire to end the marriage. Are you being mature about this or have you completely lost your cool.? Not saying that anyone could blame you if you have, in fact it's to be expected that you would fly off the handle at times or say some hurtful things in the middle of all of this, but do understand that it's just going to make your situation a whole lot worse.

It's hard not to want to lay it all out when your emotions are running overboard and you feel like you should have your fair say in all of this as well. But, just because you want to say it doesn't mean you should. You may feel as if you'd like to even the score a little bit and run down the list of your spouses short comings or where they've fell short of living up to all you expected, but keep it to yourself if your goal is to save your marriage.

There will be a time, when things have settled down some where you can gently bring up these issues. But, when your spouse wants to end the marriage and you're the one looking for answers or trying your best to save it, your adding further negativity towards your spouse doesn't help your cause one bit.

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You want to keep the lines of communication between the both of you as open and as civil as possible. If your spouse thinks talking to you is going to lead to further bashing of them in every instance, this is going to close up the lines between you pretty fast.

Try to keep your end goal in mind when engaging in discussions about the marriage with your spouse. Even though your spouse may not adhere to this same line of thinking at first, you'd be amazed at what kind of change in attitude this will bring about in her/him.

Your spouse will see that your handling this more mature now or better than expected and will begin to tone down their badgering of you at the same time. Not only that, but it will really get them thinking about some of the things they have said to you and even bring on some apologies at the same time.

Keeping these lines of communication open between the both of you, free from fear of what flaw you or your spouse may point out next is very important. It will help you to uncover more about what you can do to save your marriage and maybe even bring your spouse back on board to examine more ways to fix the marriage together.

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If you are struggling with worries about saving a relationship and you want to know, "How can I save my marriage?" you will pleased to know that restoring your relationship is certainly achievable. If you are not sure where to begin your best option is to get some help in learning how to communicate with your partner and how to resolve conflicts between you in a way that builds the marriage and draws the two of you closer together.

There are many great books on relationship building and how to communicate effectively with your spouse available both off and online. Other options include seeking couples or relationship counseling and there are also courses and retreats available in most areas that help couples learn how to connect in a healthy and whole way. Find one that you like and go with that.

Most people are not keen on dealing with 'outsiders' and would prefer to learn how to mend their broken relationship in the privacy of their own homes. If this is your choice, then choose a book or resource that you can be assured has worked for others, before trying it for yourself. There are many great books written by experts who have helped many thousands of couples heal their relationships and you can too.

It will take time, effort and willingness on both your parts to work through your issues, but you can gain way more than you expend, when your most precious relationship is at stake.

So how do you overcome your current situation - by learning how to approach the issues at hand in a way that your partner can understand and accept. If you deal with the issues in a way that antagonizes your spouse and they only get their back up, you and your partner will lose. It can only be resolved in a win-win scenario, if you both win. You will be looking for a way to solve your problem in a way that benefits and is acceptable to your partner, if not for you too. Only this way will you win the main race, the desire to build a loving lasting intimate relationship with the love of your dreams . Is it not worth it?

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So the hard work begins and that is not working with your spouse, but working on yourself, learning new ways to communicate and how to resolve issues or conflict in a way that makes both of you feel good afterwards. Only when you can resolve your problems and get over that hump in your relationship can you move forward, and when you do this together, you help build strength into your marriage and grow closer together as a result.

Learning about the differences in communication styles between men and women is the first step in learning how to communicate and develop your own love language between you and your mate. Men tend to want to find solutions and women tend to want to talk about things, the trick is to find a way of communicating in a way that satisfies both styles of relating.

Another aspect of your relationship is that you have things in common other than the initial love-lust attraction. You need to be able to trust and rely on each other. You need to be willing to share openly and honestly what you think and how you feel as it relates to your relationship. You need to be able to be each other's best friend and show that love in little kindnesses each day. You need to be able to respect each other and love each other enough to accept differences in opinion. You need to be able to forgive each other and accept that the other is not and will never be perfect, and love them all the more in their entirety.

The good news is that if you did not learn these things as you grew up and many of us didn't, you can learn them now, it is not too late. Find out how to relate to your lover in a way that will almost guarantee saving a relationship - yours! Don't ask how to save my marriage, go get the information you need, learn how to rebuild your relationship, apply it and do it!

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Sexual sin is nothing new. It has existed since the beginning of mankind. Even here where Paul is writing to the young Christians of Thessalonica, it is the first thing he mentions that they need to watch out for. Why? Because it is one of the first places where you step into the hole and falls down.

Man is geared with a primal instinct and that is to procreate. Then God linked pleasure to this instinct. God made it beautiful. He made it a holy moment where two people become one within marriage.

I suspect Paul thought so too, and that is why he wrote: 3God wants you to live a pure life. Keep yourselves from sexual promiscuity.

In the original scripture "a pure life" is also translated as "holy". And "holy" means to be set apart for God. We must have an intimate relationship with God. God longs for it. It is God's dream to become one with us. When we drag this beautiful gift from God through the mud, when we cross the boundaries of sex, it steals our intimate relationship with God. Muddy, dirty footprints trample over our clean and holy relationship with God and the result is pain, fear, loneliness and impurity.

I pity our children. In our days we slipped into a small shop only to see nothing, because everything was covered with a star. Today nothing is left to the imagination ; there it is in full colour on your phone. The choice is yours.

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And it messes with your head. It messes up your relationship with your future life partner. It messes up your relationship with God. Because when pornography enters through your eyes, your beautiful, holy, set-apart relationship with God exits somewhere else.

I have so much respect for someone who is not only sensitive, but also obedient to the voice of the Holy Spirit. There where you sit in front of your computer; there where you are alone in a hotel room, bored with the long evening stretching out ahead of you; there where another man or woman holds your glance just a little longer and you feel something move inside - that is when you have to be sensitive to distinguish between flesh and Spirit.

Obedience to the Spirit can protect you, but obedience to the flesh lights up the warning lights. We must ensure that we're not tempted into a place where God must look away and the holiness between us is destroyed.

This is an enormous warning sign, or rather a stop sign. God made sex beautiful. It is to be enjoyed within marriage. It was created to celebrate unity between man and God. Do not drag it through the mud. Do not allow the devil to rob you of this most beautiful gift from God.

Make the right choice every time pornography or lust comes knocking on the door to your life. Let go of sin and return to God. God will forgive. Now try your utmost to keep your way clean and tune your radars to the voice of the Holy Spirit who will guide you on a safe road.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you , all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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