Habits
, like clothing, are external to us and a product of our choices. We need to choose them carefully, and change them if necessary; to insure that they accurately reflect who we really are, the things that matter most, and the impressions we want to be remembered by.
People often believe that their habits
represent their identity, when habits
are nothing more than a series of learned behaviors based on our personal choices. They include habits
of mind, habits of word, and habits of action. Whether good or bad, these habits are not who we are, but merely reflections of the choices we have made in response to life experiences.
Deep inside your heart there lives the person you really are. Beneath the chosen habits, established patterns, developed attitudes, and environmental influences lives your true self. You may or may not be aware of it, but it is there. Your true self represents your core values, deep beliefs, and natural attitudes about things. This is your true identity.
Many have mistakenly come to believe that their habits are actually who they are. And, because of this, they frequently believe that they just need to accept who they are, or that they cannot really change things very much. In truth, our habits are simply the result of our choices, repeated across time, and can be removed and replaced with other habits if we develop enough awareness to recognize them, make different choices, and develop new habits through the repetition of these choices.
Discovering your habits can help you clarify who you are, and who you are not. When you identify your habits, and separate them from your perception of who you are; then it is much easier to see who you truly are. You may also want to ask trusted friends and family
members who have known you since childhood. Ask them about things like compassion, empathy, interests, reactions to critical situations, and beliefs. Then reflect upon these things, along with the things you yourself have discovered; and get back in touch with your natural, beautiful, true self. If you need help with this, then you may want to contact a counselor or spiritual teacher.
So, if you have any bad habits, and if you want to change them; then you need to pay enough attention to become deeply aware of the truth about them, consciously choose not to engage in the thinking, speaking, or acting that supports these undesired habit; replace the bad habits with good habits; and consciously choose to repeat them until they have become established – like actively removing the weeds and nurturing a young plant until it has become strong enough to survive.
Some such bad habits could include anger, hatred, judgmentalism, criticism, pessimism, procrastination, gossiping, spreading rumors, and lying. Other bad habits might include dressing seductively to get sexual attention, disrespecting the rights of others, being unfaithful in relationships, interfering in the private matters of others, and over-indulgence. Still others could include drinking too much alcohol, becoming dependent on drugs, eating too much, gambling excessively, or spending money you do not have. And, I’m sure you all could think of many more.
But the good news is that all such habits can be broken, and replaced with healthy, positive ones, if we choose to do so. Habits
are not who we are. They are merely a product of our choices.
Dr. Kai Swigart is currently the owner of and primary practitioner for TalkDoctors, LLC and Employee Assistance Resources - Hawaii, LLC, where he provides the full range of mental health and employee assistance services, respectively. He is also the President and Founder of Sacred Light Church, Inc., a Hawaii-based 501(c)(3) church organization.
Dr. Swigart holds licenses as a Marriage and Family Therapist in California and Hawaii. He has been licensed in California since 1988 and in Hawaii since 2006. He earned a PhD in Psychology from United States International University, San Diego, specializing in systemic psychologies, including marital, family, and organizational. He obtained a Masters in Counseling Psychology from the University of Nebraska, Lincoln, a Bachelor of Science in Psychology from Illinois State University, and a Bachelor of Arts/Bachelor of Science in Music Therapy from Illinois State University. Dr. Swigart has held the Certified Addictions Specialist, Certified Employee Assistance Professional, and Substance Abuse Professional credentials since 1991, 1993, and 2004, respectively.
Dr. Swigart has been a member of numerous professional associations including the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT), the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), the International Family Therapy Association (IFTA), the National Council on Family Relations (NCFR), the Employee Assistance Professionals Association (EAPA), the Society of Human Resource Management (SHRM), The Association of Arise Interventionists (AAI), The National Academy of Health Care Providers in the Addictive Disorders (NAHCPAD), and the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC). He has served in leadership roles in many of these organizations including President, Ethics Chair, Diversity Committee Chair, Education Committee Chair, and Director.
Prior to establishing TalkDoctors and EAR-Hawaii, Dr. Swigart worked as a psychologist for the United States Air Force on Johnston Atoll, a remote Chemical Agent Demilitarization Site; as a manager for WellPoint Health Network/Blue Cross of California; and as the Director of Adolescent Services for the North Inland Neighborhood Recovery Center, San Diego.
In addition to specializing in systemic and relational therapies, some of Dr. Swigart’s career highlights have included the provision of critical incident stress management and trauma recovery services for military veterans, non-military emergency services personnel, shark attack victims, and natural disaster survivors. He has also specialized in the treatment of child sexual abuse, rape, and assault. Dr. Swigart has conducted fitness for duty evaluations of military and non-military personnel. He has performed psychological evaluations of reality TV show candidates, to determine their stability and safety pursuant to programming requirements.
Dr. Swigart is also a professional musician, and has been performing with bands since he was 14. As a singer/songwriter and recording artist under the artist name Fire Prince, he has written more than 300 songs, recorded three CD collections, and is working on a fourth. He has performed and recorded sax, keyboard, and guitar with artists such as Ken Emerson, Peter Sprague, Jaime Valle, Michael Ruff, Maynard Ferguson, Manhattan Transfer, and Hollis Gentry. Dr. Swigart paid his way through college playing jazz, blues, and rock. His best known CD is Fire Prince – Blessing In Disguise, which is currently being featured on commercial and internet radio worldwide.
On a personal note, Dr. Swigart is married to his soul mate Julia and they have two dancing dobrechaun children. His hobbies include writing and publishing poetry, paddling, hiking, dancing, technology, and professional writing. Dr. and Mrs. Swigart are also business partners, live on the ocean, and have whales in their front yard from November through March. Their harmonizing elements include the sea, the wind, and the sun where you will find their spirits smiling.