First - Examine Your Own Motivation

I begin the coaching sessions ( after background and introduction ) by seeking to have the client identify the issues that are holding him/her back from success.We have already agreed that success is our destination and this means personal as well as business success.

Here is the opening question only you can answer:What are the three biggest disappointments in your life?

We will now seek to identify how you integrated those traumatic events in your lifeby asking the follow -up questions:

How did you feel when that happened ?
How do you feel about that today ?
What is the result of those feelings ?

Trauma events generally come forward as childhood events and have to be confronted
in order to commit to resolution. For a very practical example look at the recent movie : The King's Speech. King George V1 began to stutter at age 4 or 5 . He never completely got past the stutter but therapy led him to most of the way. Until he confronted the source of the problem he had no way of dealing effectively.He had received verbal abuse as a child and continued torment because of his stuttering.
That torment did not end when his father died.Until he confronted his demons he was unaware of the damage childhood wounds had effected.

In the same way issues with your upbringing - even issues you may dismiss because they were in your childhood effect you today. Children idolize their parents and even in the case of physical abuse attribute god like characteristics to their actions. As a child if you were continually told " You're Stupid " or " You will never amount to anything , just like your father " you tend to accepts that message as true and accurate. You/he/she may become quite successful as an adult but still deal with others with the feeling that they are stupid and that they must strive daily to achieve success.Their relationships with others are then colored by the belief in their weakness and need to succeed.

Striving for success becomes all consuming but failing to identify the true reason for your actions and attitudes dooms the effort. The sacrifice of relationships and family follows and results in rupture or dissatisfaction.Damaged persons enter into relationships with that damage and the relationship cannot be completely successful
unless the trauma is recognized and addressed.

Some issues are rather quickly resolved when the client has the source of their present day attitudes and biases made clear. Others may find trauma such as physical or sexual abuse are issues that require long term therapy for resolution.Recent article say that more than 60% of employees regard their direct report
( boss ) as a difficult person. Limited progress ( for the boss) can be made with training sessions that focus on a more pleasant voice, positive reinforcement and the need for working as a team. Deep seated issues won't be resolved only with those workshops and in many cases my own workshops on those subjects resulted in the " unchanged " being removed because they are identified as toxins in the workplace.In most cases however, it is the staff that have to learn to put up with the boss or leave. This is the truth of our economy.- the person with the power does not have to change and in most cases has to be accommodated.

How difficult is change ?

Change - even minor change represents a level of difficulty for all of us.We have a comfort zone and we are comfortable with things exactly as they are - even in the event that the boss is difficult or sales are falling. I have had clients refuse to change although the business was on the verge of failing. The disruption to their patterns of thinking and action was more frightening then losses to their own bank account.