Early Attachment: What Can Happen If Someone Was Unable To Attach To Their Parents?

After someone was born, it simply wasn’t possible for them to break away from their mother after a number of weeks had passed and to live their own life. Unlike a rabbit, for instance, they needed to be able to attach to their mother, receive the right attunement and love and gradually develop a strong sense of self.

This is a process that would have taken many, many years. If they had been born with a fully formed sense of self, they wouldn’t have been in a dependent state for very long and would have soon been able to live their own life.

Back To Reality

However, although this was a stage of their life when they were dependent and needed to receive the right nutrients to grow and develop in the right way, they might have been deeply deprived. If they were, this would have been a stage of their life when they were deeply wounded.

But, now that they are an adult, they might not be able to remember much of what took place. Then again, it might not even occur to them that they were deeply deprived during their development years.

Blocked out

This will show that their brain has blocked out what took place in order to protect them. The trouble is that even though this will protect them, it will stop them from being able to join the dots, so to speak.

They can have a life that is not fulfilling and is actually very bleak but they won’t know why this is. It can be as though this is just what life is like and/or that they are unlucky, for instance.

A Closer Look

So, when it comes to what their life is like, they can spend a lot of time being out of touch with their needs and feelings. Therefore, they can spend a lot of time living in their head and estranged from their body.

Naturally, seldom being in tune with themselves is going to cause them to generally overlook a number of their needs. One need that they can typically ignore is their need to connect to others.

Keeping a Distance

This can be a need that they are rarely aware of and even if they were aware of it, they might not act upon it. Deep down, they are not going to trust others and believe that they are worthy of having this need, as well as others, met.

Thus, not reaching out will protect them and it will be a consequence of the fact that they have given up on trying to have their needs met. As a result of this, they are likely to spend a lot of time by themselves.

A Miserable Existence

Ultimately, as they are an interdependent human being, living in this way is going to cause them to suffer. What might allow them to see that they are living in the wrong way is if something dramatic was to take place.

For example, they could end up going through a breakup or experiencing a loss. Whatever it is that takes place, it could cause them to question why their life is the way that it is and to look for answers.

Back In Time

By going down this route, what could gradually stand out is that their developmental years were a time when they were unable to securely attach to their mother. The reason for this is that their mother might have been emotionally unavailable and typically not attuned to their needs.

She would then have been there for them from time to time and taken care of their basic needs - or they wouldn’t have survived - but that would have been about it. Not receiving what they needed would have both greatly deprived and wounded them.

No Choice

This would have been a stage when they were powerless and totally dependent, though, so they could only adapt to what was going on; they couldn’t change it. The pain that they were in and their developmental needs would have ended up being repressed by their brain.

Losing touch with their body and their needs and feelings would then have been a way for them to keep it together and function. Their priority would have gone from receiving and growing to keeping external threats at bay and surviving.

No Foundations

What needed to take place for them to stay connected to their body, to develop a strong sense of sense, to feel comfortable with their needs and feelings and to develop a basic trust in life and others won’t have taken place. They will then look like an adult but when it comes to their level of development, they will have a lot in common with an infant.

For them to change their life, they are likely to have a lot of work to do on themselves. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.

Awareness
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If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.