When it comes to communicating and connecting with others it is rarely what one says that is important. This means that the words that are used are only a very small part of the equation. How something is said will make a bigger difference than what is said.
But this is not the focus of this article; the point is to look at another aspect and one that shapes how someone will feel once a conversation has come to an end.
There is a quote by Maya Angelou that says - ‘’I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel’’. And this quote encompasses exactly what I am talking about here.
The words that are exchanged during a conversation can not only be forgotten about after, they can also be forgotten about during the conversation. And as this quote states, what won’t be forgotten about is how the conversations makes someone feel.
I believe this is an important distinction to remember when it comes to having good conversations and creating great connections with people. One thing the mind will often do is create associations around people. These then become how one sees the other person and this then creates how one feels about them and thinks about the person.
So when the person comes to mind, the associations will be fired up automatically and this will shape how one sees the other person. And the associations are largely formed by how one felt around the other person.
Do’s And Don’ts
When it comes to behaving in a way that is likely to make someone feel good and to create positive associations; there are some do and don’ts. But, this is often something that one will come to know through experience. People are not all the same and therefore what might be positive for one person may not be positive for another.
I would say that it is important to be aware of how the other person is responding during an interaction. To be aware from the outset that the other person will remember how they felt more than anything else.
Words and behaviours can have different meanings for different people. One of the areas that people are sensitive to and therefore has to be spoken about carefully or even avoided - is there weight.
Due to the pressures that people can feel around there weight it doesn’t matter where someone is on the spectrum. And unless what one says about another person’s weight is more of less guaranteed to make them feel good, it is best avoided in my eyes.
What one can do to make another person feel good is to provide sincere compliments and feedback. This does not mean saying something just to get a positive response. It involves being completely present and in the moment. This means not getting caught up in one’s mind and losing awareness of what is being communicated.
Form here, one can listen to the other person and respond accordingly. Does it mean that one will always say the right thing? No, but the chance will be greater as a result of being in the moment and not being caught in the mind.
The key here is to be aware of the responses that one has in their interactions. There will be times when one can say something positive and it will be taken the wrong way. That can’t be avoided; what one can do is remove anything that is sure to bring about negative reactions from people.
The thing to avoid is putting someone down through criticism, sarcasm or humour for example. For some people this will be obvious and yet for many people, it is part of their conversational toolbox.
Often all it takes is to become aware of something and from here, one can apply what they have come to realise. And like most things in life, the more that it is done, the easier it will be.
My name is Oliver J R Cooper and I have been on a journey of self awareness for over nine years and for many years prior to that I had a natural curiosity.
For over two years, I have been writing articles. These cover psychology and communication. This has also lead to poetry.
One of my intentions is to be a catalyst to others, as other people have been and continue to be to me. As well as writing articles and creating poetry, I also offer personal coaching. To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/
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