Common Sense with a Spiritual Aspect On Divorce! Part 4

So now you are divorced on paper its official and every one says “you should have a party and celebrate”….. Why? Is it really some thing to celebrate?
Let’s look and see. So many people are like sheep, they feel if they don’t do the normal thing or the popular thing then they will lose face.
So they carry on doing what every one expects of them to, even if their heart is not in it. Maybe they fell into the same trap initially as well with the engagement ring stuff followed by the “well we are engaged now so lets plan the wedding” etc.
I do not ridicule any one here and especially the sheep I speak about because they are just going with the so called flow. I am however asking all the readers here to examine there own habits , values and beliefs and see if they need adjusting.

But to want to actually celebrate a break up of any description is missing some of life’s most valuable lessons. Such as compassion, empathy, sympathy, respect, also self respect, dignity, and common decency. Even if you are happy about the break up do you really need to party over it? What if you’re ex partners is heart broken and emotionally disturbed about it. Is it right to send out such hurtful feelings?

I hear some of you saying but as long as the ex partner doesn’t know about the party surely it’s then ok. Well no actually, spiritually you are sending out vibrations of an uncaring nature which can never help any one or anything as we are all part of the same hologram of life. When we hurt others we hurt ourselves some times in the short term and always in the long term.

It’s so hard to stand alone sometimes, or stand up for yourself especially if it makes you the odd one out. But life is like that sometimes and if it doesn’t feel right in the heart, stomach or spirit then chances are its not! So always do what you feel is ok for you, and blow the general opinion of others.

Let’s say it’s been a few months now since the divorce you have done all the things that you thought you were missing out on and guess what? They were ok but not that much fun after all. Again you might be doing the normal things that single people are meant to do, going with the flow etc yet it still feels awkward some how. Well rest assured it’s not just you it’s a very high percentage of people going through exactly the same thing as you are.

The funny thing is they are all the same people that you mingle with in the clubs, bars or where ever else you hang out.These people are probably feeling exactly the same emotions as you but they are never going to let on to you because that’s not cool. Instead they do exactly the same as you do which is paint on the smile and pretend your having the time of your life…NOT!

The best way some times is to just sit your self down and be honest. Ask yourself what it is you truly want.
As a life coach it’s my experience that when I ask someone the question “what is it you truly want” they immediately start to list a long list of things that they DONT want….. Why?
Because it’s far easier for them to answer this way because every one knows what they DON’T want.

But it’s very hard to answer what it is you DO want. Only a professional can help you truly do this because they are on the outside looking in and they will not be one sided, unlike your own subconscious will be. Once you find out this valuable question then you can start to move on.

Such things could be in your personal love life, work, ambition, Family , friends, general relationships, finances, coping with stress and the list goes on.Is it at all possible that some of these issues helped break up your marriage in the first place? If so please understand that it’s not too late to change things in yourself and in your life. Help can be on its way. You will need to confront, battle and win over your issues so that when the next person comes along you will be in a far better position to over come them the next time around. If you cant deal with this alone seek a life coach to guide you though it all.

It can be quite a lonely time after divorce even in a crowded place. It’s always going to be paraded in front of you. I talk about the fact that you are single now and unattached, and will be constantly reminded by what and who you look at. Even going down to the local super market to get a litre of milk means you will see a very large percentage of couples doing their thing and it will remind you of your past and now present time.

Endless scenarios’ will go through your mind about them, what do they say to each other, how do they behave, are they happy, why are they still together, is it because they have just met or is it because they are better suited than you were, etc etc. again don’t beat yourself up its quite normal and very emotional. The mind is always making judgments, theories and suggestions after all that’s its job, not forgetting the EGO that also always has to have its say on the matter.

The spirit is the strongest part of us yet it just observes. It could stamp its authority all over the body and mind but it never does because its job is to observe and feel the emotion both the good and the bad. When we listen to our feelings and emotions that’s when we become in tune with who we really are. When such feelings are not congruent with our reality then this is what causes us the chaos. It’s for this reason I write about such issues, it’s to encourage you to use common sense with a spiritual aspect as the title suggests once again.

Most of our problems in life come from not following our bliss and not being who we truly are as individuals. So getting back to being divorced and single is where we were and where we are at the moment.
What was it that you expected after your divorce ? Are you now looking for some one else?
If so then my next installment will be for you.

In Part 5 we shall look at the dating scene which is not as straight forward as you may think. We shall look at the differences between each decade of the age groups and then discuss what the obstacles can be. I look forward to seeing you here again soon.

Feel free to look at my web site at www.bjacoaching.co.uk and look for the link in PINK called Products, Enjoy.

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