To have a relationship that really works loving your partner is not enough. You have to love the other person exactly how they want to be loved. Just as importantly, they have to love you how you need to be loved. That’s what makes our relationship work. We’ve taken the time to specifically ask our spouse how they want to be loved and that’s what we do.When marriages fail most people spend some time analyzing the reasons why. That’s what we did as well. We realized our previous partners loved us. But, we just came up feeling empty inside. Our partners loved us from their frame of reference. But, not ours.

Otto’s former wife believed in being prepared for the worst. Each winter she packed a small survival kit for the car complete with coffee can, a candle and matches to keep him warm in an emergency. Also included would be a couple of non-perishable snack food items like cheese and peanut butter crackers so he wouldn’t starve. Packing this survival kit was an act of kindness and love from her point of view. From Otto’s point of view this wasn’t important at all because he said repeatedly to her that “ he would go for help rather than being stranded in a car for several hours or more”. So, is there any fault here? No, just what was important to her wasn’t important to him.

Even before we got together we started making lists of how we wanted to be treated by a partner. One thing that was important for Susie was, If we were at a party or a function with a large group of people that even if Otto was across the room he would sporadically make eye contact with her and acknowledge her. Whereas Otto wants to be greeted with kisses and hugs when he reconnects with Susie when we’ve been apart.

Before you can expect your partner to love you how you want to be loved, you have to first find out yourself. Once you know how you want to be loved, the next step is to tell your partner. The key is communication. Unless you tell your partner how you want to be loved there is no way you can expect them to love you in this manner. After all, most of us are not mind readers.

Relationships are a two way street. Both you and your partner have to love each other the way you want to be loved. When one person’s needs are met and not the other’s resentments are created. We found that talking openly and honestly about our needs is vital to the relationship. We also found that, sometimes compromise is necessary to experience what Stephen Covey calls a “Win-Win” relationship.

Sometimes you simply cannot give what your partner needs. In Susie’s previous relationship sailing was the most important thing to her partner but not to her. She simply could not make sailing her passion to the exclusion of everything else. This was a core issue in their relationship. This was an issue that eventually divided them forever.

Love lesson Number 1 :

1) We suggest that before you enter into any relationship that you first make a list of how it is you want to be loved.

2) Commit to sharing this list with your partner or potential partner and talk about why the things on the list are important.

3) Make sure you follow through and do the things that you’ve committed to do.

Author's Bio: 

Susie and Otto Collins

http://www.collinspartners.com

    We are spiritual and life partners committed to helping people like youimprove your lives, relationships and financial destinies.

For 25 years, Susie has been a student of energy and the life force. Her search for
physical, emotional and spiritual healing has led her to the study of Kundalini and Hatha
Yoga, Carlos Castaneda’s Tensegrity, Reiki, toning, Traditional Japanese Reiki,
herbs, flower essences, Shamanism, the Enneagram, tarot and much more. Her formal training
is in Polarity Therapy and cranio-sacral work and is a Registered Polarity Practitioner.
She currently practices and teaches Polarity Therapy, combined with other energy work
modalities . Susie is a veteran teacher and librarian, having taught almost 30 years in
the public schools and university classes.

Son of a Country Preacher, Otto has studied the tools and techniques of the best Sales,
Advertising and Marketing minds of the past hundred years. He has spent nearly twenty
years successfully creating and selling advertising. He has worked in print, radio as well
as Television advertising. After spending many years pondering three of life’s
greatest questions; Who am I, Why am I here and What’s this all about? Otto turned
his life’s focus to bear on the practice and study of Spirituality. He is a healer.
He uses his intuition, natural gifts and training in several types of energy healing to
help others heal. He has formally studied Reiki, Traditional Japanese Reiki, Etheric
Surgery and Shaman healing techniques.

We are two people who have learned from some of the greatest teachers and from the pain of
the past. We have an intense desire to share the lessons we’ve learned on the path to
wellness. Just like you, we’ve struggled with our inner “demons.” Made
mistakes in all areas of our lives but now we are learning to do it differently. The
desire to be loved the way we wanted to be loved took each of us on a journey of discovery
of how to create the relationship of our dreams. We believe Spirit put us together for our
own personal growth and to shine the light of hope for others.