Ok. I'm guilty. I love the opposite sex! At times I indulge but like candy it's sooo ohhh sooo good yet it spoils your stomach.

There's nothing better than the look of desire I get, especially when I am relating my own desire to be wanted. To be needed whether out and about or in our private place.

As great as all these feelings are..... I just cannot compromise my relationship with the Lord.

I have gone through atleast 3 periods of celibacy in my life. First when I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I refused to allow any man to touch me until I was better. Then I became too large to feel sexy so I just threw in the towel. Then I got even larger and was too embarrassed. Each of those times I went for about 2 years of celibacy.

Let me tell you a secret I can still hear the Lord's whisper, as I traveled through the foggy dimensions of my mind. He softly whispered "refrain from your impulses and develop an intellect that can impact your peers". Yessss. After years of thinking I finally get it. Almost 10 years after.

What the Lord meant... he wanted me to learn how to cope with my illness early on so that I can be useful for his ministry.

Now what is this ministry????To change my life? He requires prerequisites to enter into his kingdom??? No!

He would just like if you passed on his message of hope. That surely he blesses you when you refrain from your impulses= go against unhealthy desires develop an intellect= to become successful to discover your calling and talents that can only be strengthened by an honest relationship with your Lord.

As I compare the stages in my life, I see it clearly. The times I've been celibate I felt round about by angels, shining and all.

One of those nights I walked across a mirror and I promise to you I saw a big child. As if he had me in a bubble protecting me from my illness. From the mood swings. Giving me time to heal.

In awe I was of how holistic and powerful celibacy can be. When I am in a relationship and tend to indulge in sex, I promise that my countenance is that of a stranger.

For my father in heaven knows me not. When I do those things that are unfavorable.

I'm sorry but the joy and peace I get from celibacy is untradable. I kid you not creatively..... on another level when I dare to refrain from my impulse. The creative surge is unexplainable. It caused within this like powerful self esteem thing. That just makes me feel powerful as a woman.

It makes me feel more confident and more comfortable around the opposite sex. It surely fills me with joy! Contentment that somehow the Lord is in my life because of the fruits of his labor.

When I am not well my connection with the Lord is tested. It so happens that the one thing that would be considered my toughest battle is being pure.

Don't get me wrong I smoke like a chimney, I drink like a fish everything in excess. Never moderate, whole bottles gone packs of cigs a day. It's a mess but yet when I am in purity and practicing celibacy I feel sheltered by God.

I told this to my friend once. She found it quite interesting. She listened and took it all in. I was glad she didn't think it was wierd because now a days it is.

Why???

What does my celibacy have to do with my creativity ??

That only God gave me the ability to write and he gave me that talent although I still write well when not in celibacy, he makes sure I am overwhelmed by ideas when I am in alignment with his word.

If only more people set out to prove this as I have we would each be successful in our own right in the way God meant us to be.

Sin has the tendency to fog your eyes. You may think you are good but being spiritual has its health benefits in itself. Hope this post creates within me a new commitment to honor the Lord in my celibacy.

May the readers be blessed by this post!

Author's Bio: 

This article is about how becoming celibate during the beginning of my treatment of Bipolar Disorder helped me become more spiritually inclined. I am living proof that artistic abilities have a lot to do with living according to God's wishes. Creative growth comes from refraining from your impulses to develop an intellect.