Afraid to Shine? Getting Over Self Sabotage

I noticed a definite self-sabotage theme last week: Are you aware you might be doing things that keep you small, lower your game and cause you to head in the opposite direction to the one you know you're destined to be traveling? I trust it would be useful to take a look at ways to address self sabotage and how to get clear on big enough reasons to stop that old behavior and adopt some new strategies so that you'll sparkle like a diamond - and love the process.

Whether you're "comfort" eating, avoiding making the calls you know will get you that next contract, procrastinating or doing overwhelm there are some core concepts to put on your map that will make a massive difference if you incorporate them into your life, as a way of life. Living with appreciating yourself and the opportunities you have right in front of you is an evolving, dynamic relationship that is far from linear.

What I mean is, no-matter how much personal development work you may have done (let me own this, I may have done, I've found…) there are days when the mental surf is too rough for a pleasant boogie board without being tumbled in the crashing waves. And there's always that rip that you may not see coming, pulling you down the beach, far away from the flag demarcated zone indicating a safe swim area. That's the nature of life - How do we gain enough confidence in the water to enjoy a swim, body-board or surf and have a safe and excellent time, anyhow.

If your mind is dumping you in stormy, polluted or too shallow waters, and denying you the exhilarating experiences you're here to have, follow these 7 steps and my 4-HFormula to get yourself from freaked out and far off the mark to fabulous and finding good fortune.

1. Scope The Zone: Be aware of the conditions and choose your zone according to what you'd like the outcome to be.

If you're wanting a great surf, you won't get that in a protected cove that sports turquoise water flat as a millpond, and if you are wanting a peaceful swim you're not going to head for an exposed stretch of beach, known for two meter waves. The same is so with mental preparation and mindset. The cool thing is: it's possible to choose you state of mind and attitude , and change it in an instant!

2. Stop and Think! Scoping your mental and emotional landscape will give you the clues you need, to find out how come you're choosing to engage in behaviors that move you away from your destination. This is a crucial step in developing awareness about how what's driving you.

If you're reaching for the chocolate biscuits is it because you're angry, hungry, tired, feeling lonely, empty or frightened? What has caused you to feel this way? Stop and think! Find the feeling and then identify the very first time you ever felt that emotion. You could help yourself by identifying where you feel the feeling most intensely in your body and then follow that experience in your memory to the first time you felt that in that particular physical place. It's highly likely that the feeling you felt was set up before you were 7 years of age, possibly during a time before you could verbalize, so tracking the feeling back through sensation is both accurate and powerful.

3. Once you know where the trigger emotion came from , you can a) understand how come you're behaving in the way you are and b) respect that your behavior has it's roots in your past and was once useful to to you,. It was a winning formula that protected you and kept you safe. Now you get to choose! Is this really how you'd like to conduct yourself?

4. What's the cost? Make a list of what it's costing you to keep doing what you're doing. What's the cost to you right now? In three months time? In three years time if you kept doing the same action, what would your life be like? What and who else would lose out or suffer as a result of your behavior now?

5. What are the situations, emotions and environments that trigger the behaviors that dump you in the turbulent waters of self sabotage. By the way you can feel you are stuck in an oil slick it isn't always about movement in the opposite direction in uncertain conditions.

6. What would you rather be doing and for what purpose? Now take a look at the ways you could be keeping yourself on track.

Do you need someone to keep you accountable? Who do you need on your team? What do you need to organize to ensure you have the best possible chance of achieving an outstanding outcome for yourself?

7. Getting excited about and recommitted to your Intention. I decided I wanted to get my weight back down to 52 kilos. I was going really well. And then a combination of things happened. We went on a family fresh fruit juice bender, I realized my target date for completion of my manuscript was unrealistic, there were further setbacks with getting my new newsletter format ready to send out, and so on. I felt disappointed in a few areas of my life and before I knew it, my weight was going up and not down. I was not self sabotage proof! What was needed?

My 4-H Formula:

The HOPE
What do you need to do to get reinspired?Remember: When you are sharing this process with others (please pay it forward and do!) you need to help them to find the hope and inspiration to reconnect with their reasons why.

I needed to get reinspired! Why did I want to shed the weight?I feel fitter and look better - (there's all that filming coming up); I 'm healthier; I set an example for my clients; I feel better about myself, Improved sex life (because I feel better about myself); When we go to Fiji in three weeks time I won't feel self conscious in my bikini or wetsuit, I'll look hot for the Keys to Success training I'm running in February and so on …

The HOW Planning and organization is this step. The how may involve research and education. Sometimes you'll need to find the information you need to move forward. Such as, is there a structure you could learn to make a sales call easy and successful? What do you need to listen for or say in order to close a contract or sign a new client? How do you go about finishing that chapter for it to convey your message and impact the reader in a fun, entertaining and thought provoking way?

How do you move forward? For me it was recommitting to my morning walks, swimming and exercise routine and organizing my shopping so that I have protein and fresh fruit and vegetables easily accessible.

The HAPPENING This is where your body board hits the waves. Dynamic action is the name of the game. Here is the moment where you decide to take the wave, or wait for the next one to come along. You've reached the part in the process where you take charge of your mind and your senses and implement. 5am came this morning and I bounced out of bed and reached for my trainers. Noon was time for barb-qued barra and salad. (Dare I admit to a square of dark lindt? YES! It's been a no carb day, and knowing me it gets easier from here.) There's no substitute for the doing. The Happening is just about All. Talk is hollow. Take steps is the happening.

The HIGHEST GOOD
For self sabotage to be relegated to a harmless holding space at the bottom of the sea, there has to be some reason that is far greater than you and me. There needs to be a transcendent purpose that connects with contributing to the betterment of all in some way. Finding out what that motivating factor is, and setting in place ways to keep connected with that umbrella inspiration engages a part of self that will work as your all-time ally, your guiding star in keeping you on track and super joyous about where you're heading.

What might that be about for me with the weight loss story? I have a song to sing that's about bringing people to their purpose, passion and most prosperous selves - of course I could do that at 55 kilos, 56 or 48. For me to be at a healthy, optimum weight means I have the best possible energy levels with which to deliver my message. There's no excess, no sluggishness, no hiding. I get to show up fully. That can only be a good thing. If I show up fully, you can too. Now that is the best reason I can think of! Welcome to You!