Setting Boundaries with Feng Shui

Energy is a funny thing. It always works. It’s always “on.” Even when we pay no attention to it, there always seems to be some. Anyone who’s worked with energy is aware of its power----whether dealing with body energy, earth energy or space energy.

Often I run into people who aren’t as familiar with the concept of energy. I can see the hesitation in their eyes as I talk about what it can do and how it can affect their lives. Nancy was one of those who needed more than a little convincing as to the power that energy held. Actually, I don’t think she doubted my words. I just think she hadn’t experienced it for herself. This is what makes my job so fun, as I witness people discover this “new” concept for themselves. As with Nancy, they will call all excited about their energy experience. Something has happened to them that has caused them to be ecstatic about a Feng Shui outcome. “This energy stuff really works!” Yup.

Nancy was a 35-year-old single woman who, for the most part, lived alone. About six or seven years ago she bought a modest home for herself. The purchase of her own home marked a big step for Nancy. She was the oldest of seven children and had been raised with few luxuries. But hard work and determination brought Nancy to a place where she could afford the financial investment of a house.

Being the oldest in the family, Nancy was often the “mom” for her six siblings. In particular, she had a younger brother Peter who often invited himself into Nancy’s spare bedroom. Hard times, usually due to his own negligence or careless behavior , moved Peter from job to job and apartment to apartment. Peter had an available place to land when he was out of money and had no place to go. “Mom” would always take him in.

Nancy loved her brother but his life style had begun to seriously impinge on her own. He was messy and loud; he never contributed to the food budget. He used her phone for extensive long distance calls without offering to pay. Each time he would move out, she would promise herself she’d never let him back in again. A couple months later Peter would be in another jam and Nancy couldn’t refuse his pleas for help. When I arrived to consult with her, he had just moved out (again) and her frustration was evident.

Nancy decided to invest in a Feng Shui consultation because of the issue with her brother. Additionally, she wanted to get married and start a family before she got any older. As we walked around Nancy’s little home, I pointed out to her that the bedroom Peter would take over was in the Partnership area of her home. “He takes as much time and energy as a partner without any of the benefits.” Her frustration turned to anger as she realized the ramifications of this set up. There was no other room for him to occupy in the house.

To make the situation even more complicated, the Partnership area of her house was in the command corner. A command corner is the back corner furthest from the front door. It’s a very strong anchor for the space. People who occupy that corner tend to get very comfortable and hate to leave. Nancy had a look of desperation on her face.

Peter’s room was sparsely furnished with a hodge-podge of things. The walls needed to be painted. One of the windows was cracked. The carpet could stand to be replaced. This was not a good reflection on Nancy’s partnership intentions. When I suggested that she fix up the room and make it pleasant, her logical objection was that Peter would then never leave. This is where we had the conversation about energy.

It was important for Nancy to suspend her logical process and approach the situation from an energetic stand-point. By putting her own intentions into the room, she would create some boundaries for herself, enabling her to say “no” when needed. I wanted her to bring in only things that she loved---from the color on the wall to the rug on the floor. I suggested she write her intentions about a partner on the wall before she re-painted, so that those intentions would be sealed into the room. And I encouraged her to place pairs of items in the room to reinforce the message of a couple---two pillows, two plants, two candles, etc. I cautioned her about hanging art in the room depicting single people.

Nancy was quick to admit that this didn’t make sense to her but she was open and ready to make changes. She followed through on all the suggestions we talked about. She took out the odd assortment of furniture and replaced it with a futon and chair. Nancy would still need a place for the occasional guest, besides her brother. She began to love the room. She would relapse into her old way of thinking now and then, certain that Peter would move in and destroy things. But mostly Nancy saw the room as her private reading and meditation room.

It goes without saying that before long Peter called to announce that he would be moving in. Nancy said “no.” She was surprised at her direct answer. She explained to him that the space had been transformed and that she was using it herself. Peter came anyway, unable to believe she really meant “no” even though she said it. Besides, he assured her, he was only going to be staying a few days. Nancy knew that meant a few weeks.

As Peter was getting settled in his room, Nancy realized how disappointed she was at the outcome of all of her work, angry at herself for letting him back in, and angry at Peter for brazenly shoving himself back into her house. He stayed the night.

The next morning Peter arrived at the breakfast table, bags in hand. He couldn’t explain it. He just wasn’t comfortable in that room anymore. He had called another sister who agreed to let him stay for a couple days. He was moving out. Nancy called me: “Hey, this energy stuff really works!” She wasn’t without some twinges of guilt, especially when she heard her other sister kicked Peter out after two weeks.

Peter never came back to stay at Nancy’s. Since he had no fall-back plan, he had to work things out for himself when he got into a difficult spot. In a few short months, Nancy met a wonderful man and they became engaged.This is something, she admits, would never have happened with Peter hanging around.

She has seen and experienced the power of intentional energy in her life. She continued to work with it in other areas. A “small” adjustment at work resulted in an unexpected pay increase. A seemingly inconsequential closet clearing brought new energy to her health. Nancy also realized that a couple of people were indirectly yet powerfully influenced by her work with energy----certainly her fiancé who has been the light of her life, and her brother who was forced to grow up and take charge of his life. Her seemingly simple work with energy changed three people’s lives. Energy does happen, whether you’re aware of it or not.