Fine Tuning Intimate Relationships

Intimate relationships offer great potential for connection, personal growth and healing. Yet many people find that although successful in their careers and are able to maintain close friendships, they struggle in intimate relationships. Often these relationships aren’t working because the same destructive patterns continue to be repeated, either with the same partner or in successive relationships. This can be due to a poorly developed “radar,” or lacking the ability to choose a person who is emotionally available and able to commit. In marriages, relationship problems are often caused by unhealthy ways of interacting, often established after the commitment has been made. Draining cycles of conflict and miscommunication often leave partners feeling hurt and misunderstood.

Destructive ways of interacting are frequently due to internal blind spots caused by past wounds. Blind spots often manifest as unconscious projections or false perceptions about what is happening in the relationship. Projections can be both and negative. A positive projection might be making a false assumption that the other person has the ability to make us whole by filling a void that we have been unable to fill on our own. A negative projection would be anticipating that the person that we are involved with will betray or abandon us as others have done in the past. If partners become aware of their projections, they can gain both a deeper and accurate understanding of their internal processes and improve the way they relate to each other. By becoming more aware of destructive patterns, old wounds can be healed and closer connections can be made. This can help develop trust and establish a foundation that can be nurtured over time.

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