Coaching Your Child through Teen Rebellion

Rebellious. Wild. Reckless. Does this describe your teenager?

Many say it's a part of growing up. But as a parent, the challenges of raising a teenager are endless.

"How do I know when rebellion is healthy?"

"Do I need to be strict?"

"How can I help?"

Relax. Rebellion is a healthy part of growing up. Many teens just need a little extra attention so these behaviors don't set dangerous precedents.

Why do teens rebel?

Bad parenting or lack of opportunity is not why teens rebel. Societal, emotional and hormonal reasons are the cause.

Teens are starting to develop their own values and prepare to separate from their families. To kickstart this process, they become confrontational to set themselves apart. They were part of a family unit and adopted the values of their parents, but now they struggle to decipher their own beliefs. Conflicts and challenging authority are signs of this.

Emotional changes can lead teens to act out and rebel. They begin to relate to the opposite sex in an unfamiliar way. Maybe they have a girlfriend or boyfriend and are so wrapped up in the relationship that they ignore other responsibilities. They are also starting to work out platonic relationships to see where they fit in. Adult interactions change as they feel the need to relate to them differently. They may feel indestructible but inadequate at the same time.

Hormonally, a teenager's body is rapidly changing, bringing on embarrassment and confusion. Emotions are fired, and growth starts in areas previously ignored. Voices crack, height differences start to significantly change between the sexes, as well as their body shape. Combined with societal pressure, many teens get frustrated and confused. This sparks significant behavior changes when they're left unprepared.

What can I do?

Many parents don't know what options are available. Visions of tough love and military schools come to mind, but early recognition and intervention is the key to keeping these behaviors from shaping a bleak future.

1. Set firm rules. Teens test your authority by breaking rules. Make clear what the consequences are and follow through on what you say. Discipline does not need to be severe, but this prepares your teen for life on their own.

2. Talk to your teen as an adult. By speaking to them as an adult, they will feel more respected and be open to communicate. They might not react maturely, but they won't feel as threatened by your authority. Gaining their trust means they are more likely to tell you what's going on.

3. Talk with your teen everyday and stay involved. The way to know your child is to talk with them daily. This allows you to identify warning signs and get help when needed. Staying involved means going to sport activities and school events. Get to know their teachers and mentors. They can also point out problem areas. Studies also show that parental support keeps teens from engaging in more risky behaviors.

4. Make family time a required activity. Maybe it's biking in the park once a week, going out for a meal, or another fun activity. Make sure it is not something passive like watching a movie or TV, as that doesn't give you the opportunity to interact. Ironically, spending time together as a family helps support your teen's autonomy. Strong family bonds foster healthy adults.

Seeking Outside Help

Making the decision to get help for your teen doesn't mean that you've failed them. Some parents see asking for help as a sign of weakness, or an inability to control their children. On the contrary, it exhibits your willingness to do whatever is necessary to ensure a smooth transition to the adult world.

Coaching is a good idea if your child is exhibiting at-risk behavior but isn't completely out of control. It's a great alternative to military academies and boot camps, which aren't necessary for a teen only beginning to exhibit signs of unhealthy rebellion.

Coaching is most effective one-on-one. Advances in technology like webcams and conference software allow your teen to "meet" with a coach that lives anywhere. They work with a teen for a pre-determined time period and assign outside activities. Together, they devise a plan to get back on track, including some short- and long-term goals.
According to Joel Sutton, Executive Director of Missing Link Coaching, “a parent should look for a coach that specializes in coaching teens and young adults. This group faces unique issues that require a coach with specialist experience and a relevant methodology.” (For more tips on choosing a coach, see the sidebar.)

A good coach will get the teen to see them as a peer. This allows them to address problem areas without being perceived as negative criticism from someone on high, but positive banter from a helpful friend.

By successfully relating to and motivating your teen, a coach can help reinforce positive behaviors and create healthy habits that will last a lifetime.

Signs of TroubleThe following behaviors indicate your teen may be headed for trouble if not addressed:

• Bored and unmotivated at school
• Bad grades, uninvolved in school activities
• Romantic relationships affecting schoolwork
• Alcohol and drug use
• Missing multiple days of school, constantly skipping classes
• Sleeping constantly, choosing sleep over interaction with others
• sullen and withdrawn
• unsure of what to do in life or career

What parents should look for in a coach:

Joel Sutton, Executive Director of Missing Link Coaching in Sarasota, FL, recommends the following when looking for a coach:
• A parent should always arrange an in depth conversation with a coach prior to enlisting their services and make sure they feel totally comfortable.
• The parent should ask their experience in dealing with the issue that their child needs support.
• Check the coaches personal qualifications and whether the curriculum that they use has been accredited
• Ask for references from past clients…and whether you can contact them
• Ask for their criminal background check
• A parent should make clear their expectations in relation the coaching

Find out more about Missing Link Coaching at www.MissingLinkCoaching.com . You can request a FREE 60 MINUTE CONSULTATION with a Senior Coach to discuss your child’s individual situation and requirements. A coach will provide simple advice for parents looking to create an effective strategy for guiding their child.