Abusive women put their men in the doghouse when they are misbehaving. And the shame these men feel is no different than that felt by battered women.
It’s a shame that has many dimensions:
a) I let my partner down.
b) I don’t measure up to my partner’s expectations and/or standards.
c) I’m in the doghouse by virtue of my own consent.
d) My partner knows I’ve consented, thereby enabling her control of me.
e) For crying out loud, if my friends knew I was in this doghouse!
f) My children know of her power to put me here and keep me in here.
g) I feel impotent in my ability to pull myself out of this doghouse.
h) What if people in the world that I do business with, who trust and respect me, knew of my being ushered into this doghouse?
i) ...And not only ushered here today, but shoved in here regularly!
j) I want out of this doghouse, but that’s not easy.
k) I’m beginning to lose respect for myself.
l) These visits to the doghouse feel like a manipulation to get me to comply with her unfulfilled wishes.
m) And when I do give into her (or she needs me out of here for something else), she lets me out of the doghouse.
n) But I know it will only be so long as she is getting what she wants, when she wants it.
o) And when I fail her again, I’ll be right back here in this doghouse.
p) Would life be better if I just stay here, ignore her and do my own thing?
If you recognize yourself here, you maybe in a dangerous relationship. To know if this is the case and to know now, visit http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com and also learn what maintains and what stops domestic abuse. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize and end domestic abuse, and heal from abusive relationships. ©2008 Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.