3 Simple Tools to Help Leaders keep it in Perspective

The tires screeched, the 1965 blue Chevy fishtailed around the corner, and came straight at us. My 8th-grade best friend Ricky froze. I grabbed his arm and yelled, "RUN!" A split-second later, we heard the crash of twisting metal. We turned around and watched the Chevy roll, slow-motion-like, backwards into the main road. Soon horns blew, sirens pierced the air, and the police arrived.

Ricky and I walked back down the hill. Without saying a word, we reached down to pick up our gym bags. His was at the base of the cracked telephone pole that had saved our lives. Ricky brushed off the splinters, turned to me and said, "Thanks for saving my life."

This was the first of my three "near life experiences" - as opposed to near death experiences, which put someone at death 's door due to a medical emergency. These experiences, combined with the death of loved ones, years of working in healthcare, and decades of teaching leadership have greatly influenced my philosophy about leading, living, and dying .

Effective leaders are able to keep things in perspective because they have broad imaginations. Here are three practical ideas to help you stretch your leadership thinking, thereby keeping life’s events in perspective.

1. Use your tombstone as a steppingstone. When I hear Jim Morrison of the Doors sing, "Keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel... the future is uncertain and the end is always near," it reminds me to use my near life experiences to prioritize my day. This thing called life consists of years, which are comprised of days, which are made of minutes. I use my awareness of my mortality to steer me in the right direction as I choose where to spend my time every day.

For example, I was recently helping a leader manage the tension between exploring the future and exploiting with the present. Since he was failing to consider the bigger picture by over-focusing on the details of the day, I asked him to brainstorm the answers to the following questions:

1. What can death teach you about life?
2. What do you want your tombstone to say? Why?
3. How do today's tactics relate to your long-term strategy?
4. What creative actions could you take today to make your dreams come true?

Research by Kaplan and Kaiser, published in Sloan Management Review, Summer 2003, showed that one of the most common errors of leaders is overdeveloping a strength – becoming strong to a fault. To avoid lop-sided leadership, I coach leaders to hold onto their strengths, while strengthening their "opposing side."

2. Compound your interest in small actions. I sometimes forget the big celebrations, like birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. However, I usually remember to do the little things every day, such as a kind word, a smile, or a quick call to say hello. Knowing that death is just around the corner reminds me to take these little actions every day.

You can apply this philosophy by remembering that it is the small gesture, encouraging word, pat-on-the-back... given on a regular basis that makes the big difference. When Buckingham and Coffman (described in their book, First Break All The Rules) surveyed 105,000 employees, they found that the six most powerful predictors of business success were all related to the small actions managers took on a regular basis with their own team. Business success and employee satisfaction were NOT strongly linked to the organizations' policies, pay, or perks. People seldom quit their job, they quit their boss.

3. Choose meaning. "I love you," were the last words I said to my depressed father as I hugged him on the steps of the Cape Cod hotel. A week later, he took his life. It took me years to make meaning out of this seemingly senseless act. And although there are many lessons that I take from this pain-filled experience, the one I feel that is most relevant is this: When bad things happen to good people, choose to make meaning out of the experience.

I still haven't figured out why bad things happen. What I do know is that my near life experiences and a lifetime of research have taught me that when we choose to make meaning out of difficult events, we recover better and faster. Of course, we must sit in the dark, feel the pain, and deal with our emotions. But when the time comes to move on, we can choose to make meaning by answering a few positive questions:

1. What could I learn from this?
2. How can I think about this in a different way?
3. How could I use this experience to help others?

So, next time you drive by a cemetery, visualize your tombstone as a steppingstone. When you stroll past a bank, let it remind you to compound your interest in small change. Finally, when life knocks the wind out of your sails, set a new course based on the meaning you choose to make.

Keep stretching when you're pulled,
Dave